S Class Babies
by Darkmoonphase
Summary: Tainted fruit turns Deidara, Kakuzu, Tobi, and Itachi into babies. Learning about their pasts is great and all but is probably too much trouble than it's worth - especially with all the side romance and having to keep the base from being destroyed.
1. Slipping It In Sasori Revised

**S-Class **_**Babies?!**_

**1. Slipping It In - Sasori**

_**"DAMMIT! Danna!! Go away, un!!"**_

_Do you know how tired I am of hearing that? I get it every morning when I go to wake that brat up. "Go away, un!" Ugh! I don't know how much more I can take. Being Deidara's partner has no advantages. He is NOT a morning person, for one. But the problem with that is, I'm having trouble fixing the puppets he blows up. Hey, I'm not going in there when he's like that! I send puppets. At least I can fix them...Well, the parts of them that don't get blown to smithereens, anyway. _

_But that's not the only problem. With Deidara, I don't know when he's going to have a fit. Do you know why Hiruko has so many new weapons? Deidara keeps blowing off parts of him and I just fix and add. Over and over and over again. Then, when the day finally starts, I'm dodging his stupid clay creatures and contemplating ways to either destroy him or turn him into a puppet. I come up with more ways to destroy him rather than turn him into a puppet; probably because I don't want the guilt of seeing his lifeless body at the end of my chakara strings every time I need his explosives. _

_When the day ends, I finally have time to work on all my puppets. I might get some sleep at night. But most likely not. This time, it's not Deidara's fault. When I'm relaxed, my heart does that weird thing to my brain and I start to feel guilty about yelling at the brat. It happens every day. But there's this new thing that I do at night when I'm lying in bed trying to ignore the guilt; I start wondering what made Deidara, well, him. And I wonder what would happen if things were different._

_I don't believe in wishes or anything, but I'll tell you this: wishing on a star takes too long. If you want to wish, make one and then do something to get it. It won't work if you don't do something. So guess what I did? I tainted some fruit._

"GO AWAY, UN!!" Deidara screams at me, throwing his pillow over his face and moaning as he turns over. I duck as he swings his arm around trying to hit me.

"Stop it, Deidara! We have to go!" I tell him through his pillow. I grab one end of his pillow and try to pull it out of his hands, but he wraps both arms around it and holds it over his head. I sigh in exasperation and let go of his pillow. This is actually the first time I've tried to wake him up myself instead of sending one of my puppets. I understand now why it takes so long and why I end up with aching fingers when he's finally up. I at least hope that he won't try to blow me up. My original body is irreplaceable – unlike what Deidara thinks. I decide that I don't want to put up with this today, lift a corner of his pillow and yell, "WE'VE GOT A MISSION RIGHT NOW, SO GET UP!! _NOW!!!_"

Deidara sits up and throws the pillow at my head. "Why so fucking early in the morning, un?!" he screams in my face and reaches for one of his bags of clay. I stand up and make for the door. I decide I don't want to look like a mix-matched rag doll. I close the door just as there's a massive explosion on the other side. Kakuzu's not going to forgive me.

"YOU BLEW UP YOUR ROOM?!" Kakuzu screams at Deidara when my partner gets downstairs.

"Bite me. Sasori no Danna pissed me off, un," he says as he grabs an apple from the fruit basket. (I still don't know why we insisted on that basket…)

I glare at him from the other side of the counter. "Sure, blame it on me."

"Why shouldn't I, un?" he asks, taking a bite of his fruit.

I try not to smile as I watch him eat the apple. It had taken me awhile to come up with a potion that didn't kill anyone. But I am sure that I did pull it off. All it was supposed to do was put someone into a dream or hypnotism state so I could finally find out why Deidara insisted on torturing me. It had been the middle of the night when I'd tainted the fruit, so I wasn't sure which ones had the drug, but I had really only intended for Deidara to eat it. When Itachi, Kakuzu and Tobi came in and took a fruit, I almost panicked.

"Why are you yelling this fucking early?!" Hidan asked, getting a glass of juice and sitting down on one of the stools.

Kakuzu points at Deidara and cried, "He blew up his _room_!"

Hidan looks at the blonde and smiles. "You blew up your room? Leader's never going to forgive you."

Deidara shrugs and throws the core of his apple away. "He can bite me too, un."

"Why would I want to?" Leader asks from the shadows. What we can see of his face says he's ready to kill anyone who breathes wrong.

I watch in amusement as Deidara pales and stutters an excuse as to why he said that. Sometimes I feel like I should intervene at times like these and save Deidara, but then I remember all the puppets that the brat blew up and I suddenly decide that it's more funny than anything else when he gets ripped on. Everyone thinks that because I'm a puppet, that I don't have feelings. That's what I like people to think. The truth is, I had to preserve my brain too so I could talk. So when people think that emotions come from the brain, they're not entirely wrong. After awhile of listening to Pein rip on Deidara, I decide to drag Deidara away. "Sorry, Leader; we've got that mission you told us to do. Right, Deidara?"

The blonde nods profusely and mutters, "Un, un!" as I drag him outside.

"You're stupid," I tell him as we walk away from the base. "But you managed to escape Kakuzu for now."

Deidara nods and sighs in relief. "Thanks, Danna. I really messed up this time, un."

"You mess up a lot," I inform him with a smirk. "Now shut-up and let's get this over with."

By the time we get back to the base, it's dark and cold. I can't wait to get inside and into bed where at least I know I'll be warm. But Deidara can see that and he starts pestering me.

"Danna? I did okay, didn't I, un? Because I know you were awesome…" he tells me with a blush and I grunt. "I wonder if Leader will be pleased…" He goes on and on until we reach the base where he finally shuts up after telling me he's going to the kitchen. I just nod, go back to my room (which someone had blockaded, so I have to go to the extra room) and huddle under a blanket while I stare at a puppet with a missing limb. The only reason why I'm not fixing the puppet is because I don't have a spare limb at the moment and so I'm trying to figure out how to improvise.

After awhile, I kick it and throw myself backward onto the bed. At that exact moment, Deidara comes in. I turn over and watch him take off his cloak and drape it on the back of a chair. While he's taking off his bags of clay, he turns to look at me.

"Am I interesting, un?" he asks me as he puts the first bag of clay onto the floor. "Because you're staring at me."

"Yes, I know I'm staring at you," I tell him. "I'm staring at you because I'm bored."

He makes a mocking shocked expression as he says, "Danna…You're bored, un?! Oh my god…This is a major event in history, un." He nods his head and a small smile starts playing around his lips as he drops his second bag of clay on the floor.

I sigh and turn back over so I can stare at the ceiling. "Shut-up, brat. I hate it when you do that."

"You set yourself up, un," he informs me as he sits on his bed. "I still don't understand how you can be bored but you don't have emotions."

I look at him and say, "You don't understand a lot of things."

Deidara pouts and gets into his bed. "Thanks, Danna; night."

I roll over and stare out the window. "Yeah, whatever."

I wake up to a scream echoing through the base. I sit bolt right up, startled because it's not often when I hear a member of the Akatsuki scream like that – except Konan; sometimes we hear her scream because of a spider; but that could be Tobi, too. I start to get out of bed to investigate when Hidan bursts in.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!" he yells, shoving a toddler in my face.

"A baby," I tell him calmly, not noticing who the baby looks like.

"WRONG! It's Kakuzu!!" he shouts in despair.

I stare at the baby for a minute and then get a sinking feeling in my chest. The baby looks really familiar – Kakuzu familiar. "Oh my god, no."

Hidan brings the baby back to him and turns it to face him. "I woke up, went to wake Kakuzu and found…_it_! What do I do? I'm not a parent! I can't take care of this thing!!"

But I had stopped listening to him when I'd realized who the baby was. I'm across the room and throwing off the covers of the other bed. I almost scream when I see a little blonde boy in the bed instead of the twenty-something Deidara who had crashed there last night. The boy turns over, looks up at me and blinks. He does scream.

"What the fuck?!" Hidan cries, almost dropping baby Kakuzu. "Why'd he scream?"

"You people are scary," Konan says from the doorway, waltzing in and picking up baby Deidara – who had started crying. "What do you expect? You're serial killers."

I'm still in shock. I can't figure out what had happened. Twenty-something year olds don't just turn into babies overnight. Something happened; I'm just trying to figure out what. Finally, I ask, "What happened? Why are they babies?"

Konan shrugs, still holding the now calm baby Deidara. "Who knows? Obviously we don't. But we'd better do a head count and ask Leader what to do." Hidan and I nod and follow her into the dining room. Zetsu's sitting there, holding a baby Tobi. No one had bothered taking off the boy's mask – which was three sizes too big for the baby.

"What's going on?" Zetsu asks, looking up at us as we walk in. "Why is Tobi a baby?"

"Why are Kakuzu and Deidara babies?" Hidan counters, sitting down in a chair at the head of the table. Suddenly we hear an earsplitting scream from down the hall and a few minutes later, Kisame runs out with a baby Itachi biting his arm.

"GET IT OFF!!" he screams, motioning with his free arm to the baby Uchiha.

"Why is there so much noise?" Leader growls, coming into the kitchen. There's a commotion as everyone tries to explain what's going on with no one succeeding. "Okay, shut the fuck up for a minute. So four of you turned into babies for some mysterious reason?" We nod. "Alright then, I know exactly what to do." We all stare eagerly at him. "Konan, we're going on vacation." We practically start a riot over this because none of us have any parenting skills. (C'mon! We kill people, not raise them!)

"Leader, have you forgotten that you've assigned us all missions for the week? We can't just abandon those, right? And besides, we're not parents!" I quickly object over everyone else – except Konan who looks like she might be day-dreaming.

"I am very aware of this. But there are two things wrong with what you're assuming. One, I haven't assigned any of you any missions for the next week because I assign them each day. And two, even if you did have missions, I'd gladly ask you to abandon them because these _babies_ are Akatsuki members and I need them to be in one piece when they turn back to themselves. Thanks to Orochimaru, we're already low on people. If you let anything happen to these four…" he trails off threateningly and we all swallow our comments.

"Yes, sir," we moan at the same time.

"Good enough. Now, to assigning people to babies. Hidan, you get Kakuzu," Leader pauses as Hidan spews several curses out of his mouth in anger. "Kisame, you get to take care of Itachi." Kisame gapes and tries to say something with little success, only managing to gesture at the baby Itachi still attached to his arm a few times. "Zetsu, you get Tobi…Don't kill him." Zetsu scowls at Leader but says nothing. "And that leaves Sasori with Deidara."

Deidara looks up at me from Konan's arms and smiles. "Like he knows who I am," I mutter almost sarcastically. I reach out and take the blonde boy from Konan.

"Bye, guys. Have fun!" Konan chirps as she dances over to Leader and they walk out.

There's a moment of dead silence as we realize that Leader had been serious. Then there's a moment of pure chaos as we all panic over having to take care of babies. I manage to take Deidara back to our room where at least it's quieter. If I was going to have to take care of this kid, I needed to know a little about him – like, for starters, his age. "Okay, brat. If I have to take care of you, I need to know who you are." I figure since he probably doesn't know who I am, I should pretend to not know who he is.

Deidara stares blankly at me for a minute and then smiles as he says, "My name's Deidara, un."

His smile is contagious and I find myself smiling as well. "Alright, Deidara, I'm Sasori. How old are you?"

He's quiet, looking like he's thinking. "I'm five, un." For a minute I almost want to cuddle him and tell him how cute he is. But common sense kicks in and I nod. I'm about to ask him something else, when he asks, "Can I have something to eat? I'm hungry, un."

I look out the window and guess how early it is. I could have gotten more sleep if Hidan hadn't screamed. "Okay, what do you want?"

"Rice!" Deidara cries, throwing his arms into the air with a grin on his face. "With lots of soy sauce, un!"

"Easy enough," I mutter, picking up Deidara and going back to the kitchen. When I get in there, Hidan's already making rice. "Loose a bet or something?"

Hidan turns on me, giving me a death glare. "Yes, for your information."

I turn away from him, practically cringing under his glare. "Okay, sorry," I say, walking to the table. I put Deidara into one of the chairs and move to the wall closest to the door so I can lean on it.

"Hi, Tobi's Tobi," Tobi exclaims, looking at Deidara. Someone had finally taken off the boy's mask.

The blonde flinches, then smiles and quietly says, "I'm Deidara." Then, glancing at Kakuzu and Itachi, he asks under his breath, "Who are they, un?"

Tobi glances at the other two boys as well and shrugs. "Tobi doesn't know. They keep talking to each other but they haven't said anything to Tobi yet."

"You're talking about us," Itachi suddenly says, glaring at Tobi and Deidara. They cringe and try to cover each other. "Kakuzu, they're talking about us."

Kakuzu looks over at them and asks, "Really? What are they saying?"

Itachi shrugs and says, "I don't know…I just have a weird feeling that they are." The two boys stare at Deidara and Tobi for a minute until they turn back to their conversation.

Deidara sighs and mutters, "Let's not talk about them anymore, un." Tobi nods so hard, I think his head might fly off.

Zetsu walks over and stands next to me. "Interesting…I think they're friends now."

I shake my head in amazement and say, "I can't believe that. Deidara hates Tobi because he's so annoying."

He looks at me and says, "Do you think this could change that?" We're both quiet while we think about that; then we quickly shake our heads as the thought starts to creep us out. "Never mind; they're kids right now, if this changes anything, we're in trouble."

"I'll tell you this much, it'd be really weird," I tell him, nodding my head as the image rolls through my head.

"I'll pass on finding out what it'd be like," Zetsu mutters, going to help Hidan serve the rice. I shrug and watch Deidara and Tobi dump soy sauce on each other's rice. Suddenly I wonder why Leader left us here to take care of the babies. All I know is that he did it on purpose.

--

It takes us a few hours to realize that they need diaper changes. And we freak out when we do realize this – mostly because their shit's all over the floor because their underwear's too big for them. In that same confusion, we also seem to see the kids as they are – little with giant clothes on them. "What are we supposed to do now? They stink and their clothes are too big," Hidan cries, gesturing at the babies a few times. The four little brats look up at him with wide eyes.

"Thank-you for stating the obvious," I say, nodding at him. "I think that you and I should go to the market and see what we can do about the diapers at least. If we can, maybe we should see if we can get clothes that will fit them…"

"Wait…And leave us here to take care of _four _evil little babies?!" Kisame shouts, looking horrified.

"What do you suppose we do? Let them run around naked?" I snap, shutting up any more protests. "Now, come on, Hidan. Let's get this over with." I head for the door, not bothering to see if he's following or not. I feel like a moron when we get to the market and I don't have a clue what we're doing. Luckily, some dumb blonde woman helps us out thinking that we're "new dads". Apparently, men don't know what they're doing when they acquire kids – which would explain our situation wonderfully. When we get back to the base, it's practically a disaster zone. Getting new diapers and clothes on the kids is just about impossible.

"Tobi likes being naked!" Tobi screams and ducks away from Zetsu. Deidara is running around with only a shirt on that he won't take off, Itachi is standing in a corner with absolutely nothing on glaring at anyone who happens to get in a ten foot radius of him, and Kakuzu is also wearing nothing but he is running around laughing and screaming, "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!"

When we finally get the kids in diapers and clothes that almost fit them – they're still a little too big – we're all exhausted. The kids curl up with each other and fall asleep so we all collapse. After that, I close my eyes and I'm lost to sleep. It's the most peaceful moment I've had all day.

_**AN: The diapers are cloth, just so you know. And I chose the girl to be blonde because…well, honestly I think that Sasori would believe in stereotypes and so he would look at her like she's stupid. That's why I chose her hair color to be blonde. I don't do that.**_

_**In other news, aren't you glad that I added this last part? It just makes the rest of the story make more sense…Even if I don't… You don't have to re-review this chapter but I'd appreciate it if you mention what you thought about the diaper part in a later chapter that you DO review. I hope this makes the later chapters make more sense. **_

_**Happy reading and thanks for the support!**_


	2. Putting Up With Them Zetsu

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**--  
**

**2. Putting Up With Them – Zetsu**

_Alright, I can't say that Tobi being a baby is entirely a good thing. I mean, sure, he won't be coming into my room in the middle of the night to tell me about his nightmares, but this could be worse. He's four years old now – he could run into my room screaming about monsters under his bed. And at this point, I might even believe him because Deidara's now five and he might try to make Tobi's nightmares come true. I wouldn't doubt it. Tobi being a baby is like one of MY nightmares come true! Although, only one thing good does come out of this: I don't have any missions for the next week or so. _

_But here's what happened: The night before last, I was sound asleep with Tobi actually sleeping in his own room instead of on my floor. The next thing I know is someone's screaming and a little boy is sitting at the end of my bed. I couldn't believe that he was still sitting and not on the ground crying because his mask was three sizes too big on him and I was convinced that it was heavy. When I asked him who he was, he said he was Tobi. I about screamed myself when I heard that. But instead, he asked who I was and I introduced myself as well. He told me he was four, hungry and wanted rice. So, I took him to the kitchen and bet Hidan that I could beat him at rock-paper-scissors – looser had to make the rice. He lost._

_Guess what happened next? Sasori and Kisame came out with babies too – baby Deidara and Itachi. I guess that's when things got even worse. Leader and Konan went on vacation and left the rest of us here to fend for ourselves and take care of the babies. Itachi and Kakuzu became friends within the hour and then Deidara and Tobi made an alliance too. Sasori and I were a bit concerned about that because Deidara and Tobi were supposed to be enemies when they were older and we didn't know what would happen if they became friends._

_Well, the day went on fine for awhile with the kids eating and playing with Deidara's clay and then trying to break Sasori's puppets – I think you can guess how well that went over. When we tried to put them down for their naps (we figured out that they'd need one eventually), Kakuzu kicked Hidan in the crotch and Deidara tried to blow up Sasori. We let them be for a few hours and after awhile, they fell asleep on the couch, floor and a table. The rest of us crashed as well._

_After that, the kids were more or less harmless. Until that night. Tobi wanted a bath, Itachi wasn't tired, Kakuzu wanted to play with his toys that he'd made and Deidara wasn't finished making his clay bird. It took three hours to get them into their beds and Tobi ended up in MY bed. I wasn't happy. He kicks, he talks, he hits and rolls – IN HIS SLEEP! I fell asleep curled up on the floor next to my bed. Both sides of me were contemplating ways to kill Tobi right then and there. Lucky for the brat, both my sides talked the other side out of it. _

_I don't know what happened to make these people babies, but I want it back to the way it was before – with twenty-something year old Tobi running into my room crying about the monsters under his bed. At least the older him could use the toilet._

--

"ZETSU-KUN! TOBI'S BORED!!" Tobi screams, throwing himself onto the ground.

"So find something to do," I say, staring at the ceiling.

Tobi lifts his head and glares at me – and when the kid glares, the term 'if looks could kill' almost comes into play. "Tobi said…Tobi's bored…"

I sit up and look down at him as he throws himself onto the ground again in his signature "I'm gunna throw a fit" way. "Fine. What do you want to do?"

Tobi tilts his head so he can look at me and says, "Tobi doesn't know. That's why Tobi told you that he's bored."

"So you want me to come up with something for you to do?" I ask him, really not getting into the idea. He nods and I throw back my head and sigh. "What about drawing?"

"Tobi drew yesterday. He drew seven pictures according to Deidara," Tobi informs me firmly.

I pause and look at him funny. "Deidara can count?"

"No. But neither can Tobi and Deidara said that he asked Sasori, so Tobi trusts Deidara," Tobi says. "But Tobi doesn't want to draw today. Tobi decided that he wants to wrestle."

I gape at him and mutter, "No way…"

"Tobi wants to wrestle with Zetsu-san," Tobi hisses, sitting up and glaring at me again.

To avoid a massive fit, I groan and get down to his level. "Alright; just don't kick me, got it?" Tobi nods and lunges at me, wrapping his arms around my neck and knocking me backward. I gently grab him under the arms and toss him behind me onto the couch where he lays on his back and starts laughing. I get onto my hands and knees and growl while trying to avoid thoughts of how stupid I look. I'm in the middle of tickling Tobi when Sasori comes in and all thoughts of _me _looking stupid disappear.

Sasori was wearing a frilly blue dress with several purple bows in his hair and pink heels. "Deidara wanted to play dress up," he growls through barely parted lips.

Deidara comes around the corner and peeks out from behind Sasori. "Isn't Danna pretty, un?!" he squeals, looking really pleased with himself.

I nod and burst out laughing. Tobi goes to the end of the couch and looks Sasori up and down a few times, then nods approvingly. "Did you do this, Deidara?" he asks.

"Yep! I did it all by myself, un! It was kind of hard because Danna can't sit still for very long. But I think it looks alright, un." Deidara steps out from behind Sasori and looks up at him with a big grin on his face.

"He looks awesome, Deidara! Help Tobi get Zetsu to play dress up so you can show Tobi how you did it!" Tobi exclaims and jumps off the couch to land on me.

"No way!" I yell when I have my breath back.

Deidara takes Sasori's hand and drags him over to us. "Okay! I can do Danna again, un!"

Sasori looks down at the blonde boy with a pleading expression. "No, Deidara, please, no. Don't you think that once is already enough?"

Deidara looks up at Sasori with a big innocent blue eye as he says, "No, I don't think that, un. I think that you don't care about me. I mean, you'd do anything for me if you cared about me, un…" He sniffs and turns away like he might cry.

Tobi leaps off of me and to Deidara looking really concerned. "Don't cry, Deidara." Then, looking up at Sasori, he sticks out his tongue and yells, "MEANIE!"

As I sit up, I manage to stop laughing and somberly say, "You _do_ care about Deidara, don't you Sasori? I mean, you'd do anything for him, right? Even get put in a dress twice, right?" He glares at me, but I'm far from done. "You should spend more time with your son, you know." Then I can't take it anymore and I fall over laughing again.

"You want to die, don't you, you bastard?!" Sasori screams, putting his fist in the air.

"You might break a nail," I remind him before my next laughing fit takes over my voice. "Wouldn't want that, would you?"

Sasori jumps me as he yells, "I knew it! You _do _want to die!!"

Deidara and Tobi look at each other, shrug and leave the room. Sasori and I wrestle for a few minutes until I threaten to break every puppet he owns and he gets off me saying, "You didn't hit me once."

"I know. It's hard to hit you when you're wearing a dress," I tell him, trying not to laugh as he glares at me.

"Well, well. I didn't know they were like that," Hidan says from the doorway. We look up to see him and Kisame standing there holding Kakuzu, Itachi, Deidara and Tobi. We gape at them and start babbling incoherent excuses which we were sure they weren't listening to. "Okay, look, I don't care what you were doing. We just came in here to drop off Deidara and Tobi. They were wandering the halls near our room and on our way here, we looked in the kitchen."

"Guys, they had a flour fight or something in there. We can't do anything with the kitchen like that," Kisame tells us, looking exasperated. He drops Deidara and Itachi when he actually sees Sasori. "Oh my god…You are like that…"

"NO WE'RE NOT, YOU MORONS!" we yell at Hidan and Kisame at the same time. Sasori looks really perplexed at this point and I don't feel much better.

"Guys, show us what happened, and we'll clean it up, I guess," I tell Hidan and Kisame as I stand up. "And Deidara, where are Sasori's clothes?"

Deidara looks up at me and says, "He's wearing them, un."

Kisame, Hidan and I all snicker and turn to Sasori. He glares at Deidara as he says, "No, the clothes that I was wearing before you made me change."

"Oh, that's easy, un. You left them in our room," Deidara informs us matter-of-factly.

Sasori stares at him for a minute and then he says, "Where?"

Deidara takes his pointer and middle fingers and drags him down the hall to their room. "I'll show you," he says, sounding irritated.

"Come back soon!" Tobi calls, waving after them. He turns to me and smiles in his creepy way that makes me want to jump out of my skin. "Will you play with Tobi again?"

"Can't; we have to go see what kind of mess you made and clean it up," I tell him.

Tobi moans and says, "Tobi didn't do it! Deidara did! Tobi was just there!"

"Sure…" I tell him, taking his hand and going to the kitchen. It takes all I have to keep myself from strangling Tobi when I see the mess in the kitchen. It's a complete disaster with white powder all over. "Oh my god, Tobi…What were you two doing in here?"

"Well, first, Deidara and Tobi only wanted a cookie. That's _it_. But then, Deidara accidentally knocked down that bag of flour," Tobi explains, pointing to some paper hanging loosely off the counter by the sink. "Deidara said there were no cookies up there. So Tobi went to those cupboards and he accidentally knocked down that bag of powdered sugar." He points to the counter on the other side of the sink. "There were no cookies up there either. So Deidara and Tobi went to those cupboards and they both accidentally knocked down all that stuff." He points to the cupboards above the stove and on the stove are two boxes of used-to-be unopened baking soda and a container of salt.

I stare at the mess angrily for a minute until I hear Deidara say from behind me, "We still didn't find any cookies, un."

"And you're not going to get any either," Sasori informs Deidara and Tobi who both start whining. "Shut-up. You think we're going to reward you for making this mess? For destroying the kitchen? You think we're going to reward you for doing something that you weren't supposed to even though you didn't even succeed in getting what you weren't supposed to? Dream on, brats."

Deidara and Tobi are quiet for a few minutes and when we look down at them, we realize they are crying. They have their heads down and Deidara's even rubbing his eye, trying to get rid of the evidence. I glance at Sasori guiltily and then crouch down next to Tobi. He looks up at me with two big red-brown eyes with tears streaking his face. "Don't do that, Tobi. I already feel guilty," I tell him. He doesn't lose the look. "Listen, we're just really mad because we have to clean up this mess now and we wouldn't have had to if you'd just asked for cookies."

Tobi narrows his eyes and asks, "Would you have really given Tobi and Deidara a cookie?"

"No. But it would have been nice if you'd asked instead of doing this!" I gesture to the kitchen and Tobi drops his head with another sad expression. I sigh, pick up Tobi and put him on the counter that amazingly doesn't have any white on it. "Stay. If I turn around and for one second, you're not exactly where I put you, you're going to be in even bigger trouble."

"Can Tobi lean over?" Tobi asks harmlessly and I shake my head, afraid of how innocent he seems at the moment. "Can Tobi at least breathe?"

I nod. "You can only breathe. That's it. If I even see you _flinch_, you're going to be in more trouble. Got it?" He nods and I leave the room to get things to clean the kitchen. On my way out, I see Sasori still in the dress. "Couldn't find your clothes?" I ask him.

"Deidara 'misplaced' them," he answers coldly, staring at the mess like he thought he could magically clean it by staring at it. "That's okay. Because I'd rather get this dirty than my other clothes."

I nod and leave in search for cleaning supplies.

--

_**A/N: It's hard for me to imagine Zetsu tickling a baby Tobi, it really is. I mean, the Venus flytrap around him has GOT to scare Tobi, right? But I CAN see Sasori in a dress! The high heels…He's feminine enough…And I figured that if you put the two most annoying Akatsuki members together, they'd spell **_**DISASTER. **_**Anyway, please review. **_


	3. Learning to be a Mom Hidan

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters thereof.**

**--  
**

**3. Learning to be a Mom – Hidan**

_I hate kids. I hate them. I always have and always will. But guess what I'm doing despite my hate for the brats? I'm babysitting one! And not just any baby either. Somehow, Kakuzu, Itachi, Deidara and Tobi all got turned into babies! Leader took Konan on vacation and assigned me to take care of Kakuzu! One more thing to add to the many things I hate: Leader. I don't know how to take care of a baby. I mean, I'm no mom! I have no parenting skills! And yet, here I am, taking care of baby Kakuzu. He's so needy and whiney and evil. I'm fucking serious about the evil part. I have yet to see him pick up a knife, but I'm being extra careful about that one. I wanted to put all sharp things up high, until yesterday when I discovered that the brats can climb. The only thing left to do is make sure Kakuzu doesn't leave my sight. _

_That's way easier said than done._

_--  
_

"Kakuzu…" I whisper/yelled, looking under the bed. "Kakuzu…Where the fuck are you, you little brat?!" I stand up and go to the closet. "Kakuzu?!" I shut the closet door and look out into the hall. "FUCK!!" I scream, storming down the hall.

"Did you loose him again?" Kisame asks, walking to his doorway with Itachi clinging to his leg.

"At least I don't have a brat attached to me like a leech," I reply, smiling down at Itachi. He hides behind Kisame's leg, sticking his tongue out at me. I return the gesture.

Kisame chuckles. "Yeah, that sounds way better…"

"It does to me!" I snap, stomping further down the hall. We've only been baby-sitting for three days and in those three days, I have realized that Kakuzu has always been an evil little thing. He's hidden from me several times and usually when I find him, he's doing something I told him not to do. I should really stop telling him not to do stuff. Maybe then he'll keep out of trouble. I search the whole base and find him hiding in a cupboard in one of the bathrooms. He must have taken his mask off, because when I catch him, he's sucking on a bar of chocolate. I groan, knowing that this isn't going to end well. "Give that to me, please."

"No! It's MINE! I found it. Finder's keepers, loser's weepers. Go find your own," Kakuzu tells me, grinning wickedly and then sticking the chocolate back into his mouth.

Then it clicks. He stole the candy from me. How he found my secret stash is beyond me, but obviously he had. I snatch the chocolate out of his hand and throw it away. Then I scoop him up and take him to the kitchen. He screams and cries in my ear all the way and I start to wonder if I'm going to go deaf in that ear. I set him down on the counter and search for a washcloth. As soon as I find one, I get it wet and wash down his face. He pulls his mask back up when I'm done with a smug smile on his face – like he knows something I don't. And he probably does.

I stand there for a minute, wondering if I should put him on "time-out" or congratulate him. I don't really get the chance to decide because Sasori comes in with Deidara flung over his shoulder looking extremely pissed. I grin at him and ask, "What did he do this time?"

"It's really only half his fault. But he snuck into your room with your brat and stole some of this." Sasori reaches into his pocket and pulls out a few pieces of unopened candy. Deidara looks over his shoulder and announces, "It was Kakuzu's idea, un!"

I look down at Kakuzu. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."

Sasori puts Deidara down and I toss him the washcloth. He promptly cleans the blonde's face and then drops the cloth on the counter. "You should put your candy higher."

"Sorry," I mutter sarcastically, pissed that two of the four brats had found my stash. I wondered how much would be left over.

"Kakuzu, you're mean, un," Deidara suddenly declares, sounding upset.

"I didn't do anything. You wanted the candy. I just showed you," Kakuzu says matter-of-factly. I was beginning to realize that the brats didn't know that when you say "I didn't do anything" you have to defend that claim – even if it's not true.

Deidara continues to stare at him. "You tricked me, yeah," he finally states.

"I highly doubt that, Deidara," Sasori tells him, a smile playing at the corner of his lips.

"Fuck you!" Kakuzu cries.

It's silent for a minute as Sasori and I think about what he said. I'm sort of proud of the kid; he really knows how to swear. But the disapproving look on Sasori's face says he's not as proud. "Kakuzu…Where'd you hear that?" Sasori asks, though he probably already knows. Kakuzu simply points at me. Sasori glares at me. "Hidan…It must be one of the happiest days of your life right now – Kakuzu's following your footsteps. But I don't like it. I get enough of that crap from you; I don't need to be called names by a four year old. And I don't want Deidara to pick up on it. It's bad enough getting called a bastard from you. Now Kakuzu…Maybe Deidara. Fix it," he tells me angrily. He takes Deidara's hand and leaves.

I look at Kakuzu who stares blankly back at me. "You heard the man. No more talking like me."

"But those words are fun to say!" Kakuzu cries. "And if you can say them then why can't I?!"

What I say next practically kills me. "I'm not going to say them anymore, okay? That means you can't say them either." All my fun is gone. Stupid Sasori and his hate of swearing. I pull Kakuzu off of the counter and lock him in my room with me. He stares at me for a minute and then bolts for the door. I watch him try to open it with no success. He starts to get mad and tries to unlock it – almost getting it which frightens me a bit. When he gets angrier, he searches the room, finds a shoe and starts beating the door with it. I burst out laughing at how stupid he looks as I walk over to him and take the shoe, throwing it back into my closet. "Cut that out. You're going to wreck the door."

"That's the point! I want out! I want out!" Kakuzu yells, attempting to kick me and missing. He throws himself onto the ground and starts crying. So I walk away. I am not up to taking care of Kakuzu. The kid's evil, that's all there is to him. If I could drop him out a two story window, I'd be satisfied. And there would be a plus to that – I wouldn't have to put up with Kakuzu when he's older. But I can't. Leader wants Kakuzu to be alive and in one piece when he gets back. He should have stayed. Then he'd know what I'm going through. He might even agree with me about dropping Kakuzu out a window. Yeah, that'd be the day.

After a few more minutes, Kakuzu waddles over to me and says, "I want to go play with Itachi."

"I'd love to let you. But I've lost my trust in you, which means I don't believe that you'd be good and actually play. I think you'd go off and do something I told you not to – like you always do," I tell him as nicely and as simply as I can. "So no, you cannot go play with Itachi."

Kakuzu stares at me blankly for a moment and then bursts out crying again. This was one of the reasons that I hated baby Kakuzu.

--

After another horrific day, Kakuzu's finally asleep. I'm not because he's taking up practically the whole bed and he won't sleep in his own. No problem, right? I can just go sleep in his bed. Wrong! His bed is covered in toys and pictures and a lot of other shit that I don't have the energy to move in fear that I might wake up the brat. I'm not curling up on the end of my own bed either though. It's just not fair. It's my bed. He should be in his own shit-covered bed! I shove him lightly over to his own side of the bed and curl up. He moans softly and I freeze, afraid that he might be awake. But he just stretches and turns over, throwing his arm over me and hitting me on the chest. I let out a deep breath, shocked at how strong he can be and try to ignore his arm.

By morning, I'm actually on the floor shivering and exhausted. Kakuzu's still sleeping on my bed, comfortable and happy in his dreams. I pull myself up onto my hands and knees, shaking my head in frustration. I guess the floor is easier to sleep on than the bed when you've got a restless brat up there kicking and punching you in his sleep. As I stand up, I glance at his bed, seriously considering throwing everything on it on the floor. I know better though. All those stupid pictures he draws mean so much to him and he's always telling me how awesome they are. All his toys…well, actually, I could really throw them on the ground. But that'd cost me a lot of space I could save if I just put them all up.

So I start gathering all his toys up and neatly put them on the ground by the closet. When I finish with that, I pull off all the stuffed animals that I had stolen from some family in the nearby town who never even used them anymore. I put them at the end of his bed all nice and neat – and almost gag because I hate having to be so nice. But I figure I'd like a place to sleep tonight. When I'm done with that, I start collecting all his pictures. I see several that he had pointed out to me yesterday and the day before. There was one that was supposed to be a cat. Then there was another that was supposed to be the monsters in our closet. I flipped through them all and smile to myself. He wasn't so bad when he wasn't bothering me constantly. In fact, he could be kind of cute.

I pull out some nails that I'd taken from Sasori a few days ago and start putting up as many pictures as I can on the wall by the door. If he was going to keep drawing, I'd need a bigger wall though. When I finally have all but three pictures up, I sit down on the end of Kakuzu's bed and try to catch my breath. My fingers are sore from pushing on the nails, but I figure what I did should make the brat happy, so I'm alright with it.

"Hidan?" Kakuzu mutters, sitting up as he rubs one of his eyes sleepily. "What cha doing?"

"Relaxing," I tell him softly, eyeing my sore, red thumb. "What are you doing up so early?"

"I dunno." His eyes widen when he sees the wall and he squeals gleefully as he jumps out of bed. He runs over to it and looks up at it. "What's this?"

"What do you think it is? It's all the pictures you drew that I had enough nails for," I reply roughly, turning my head from him. Feeling uncomfortable, I put the remaining pictures on the bed and walk toward the door. "What do you want for breakfast?"

Instead of answering me though, he walks over to the bed and picks up the three pictures. "Why aren't these up?"

"I didn't have enough nails for all of them," I tell him, eyeing him suspiciously.

"But these are the most important!" he cries, turning and looking up at me accusingly. "This one is you. This one is me, you, Kisame, and Itachi – 'cause we kind of make up a big family. And this one is me and you…'cause I like you."

I stare at him silently for a minute, then walk over to him and take the pictures from him. I pull down three pictures of his choice and hang up the three that he wanted up. "Alright, but what do you want me to do with these?" I ask him when we're done.

"Let Deidara blow them up, I guess," he says distractedly. I don't really think that's a good idea so I just throw them away.

"So are you ready for breakfast?" I try again as we walk to the door.

"Yep. Can I have sushi today?" He looks up at me innocently.

"We don't have any and I don't feel like taking the time to make it. Try again," I tell him with a smile. I guess he's not _that _bad.

"Alright…Ramen!" he cries happily. "With meat and eggs and soy sauce and…and…"

"Soy sauce?" I ask him skeptically. "Why don't you just let me surprise you, okay?"

"Well…Alright," he answers reluctantly. We go into the kitchen and see Itachi and Kisame already there. Itachi's trying to get Kisame to make him something ridiculous and Kisame won't do it. Kakuzu runs up to Itachi, taps him on the shoulder and screams, "BOO!"

"Shhh!!" Kisame and I both hiss. "Don't wake up the others!"

Itachi giggles happily and the two brats hug excitedly. "Ramen for four?" I ask, trying to ignore them.

"That'd be nice," Kisame says in relief. He helps me get it ready. When we're about to put it all together, we decide that we should make more in case the others wake up.

As if this decision was heard, Sasori comes sauntering into the kitchen looking exhausted and dragging in Deidara who's throwing a fit about something. We say hi cheerfully and he glares at us. "It's too early to be so damn happy. So shut up." We shrink back and go back to getting the ramen ready. I'm not trying to sound like a little kid or anything like that here, but Sasori's really freaking scary in the morning. I'd never noticed because I'm never in a good mood in the morning. I decide that I'm going to avoid Sasori for awhile.

While we're serving, Zetsu drags himself into the kitchen, barely holding onto Tobi who looks too happy for everyone except Deidara. "Hi, Dei!" the brat calls and Zetsu sets him down. He runs over to Deidara and they start animatedly talking.

"How much more of this torture? I can't stand it!" Zetsu cries in despair as he sits down at the table. "Tobi kicked me out of my own bed last night. That wouldn't have been so bad in itself except he talks in his sleep and he wouldn't shut up. It's not fair."

I put a bowl of ramen in front of him and said, "Yeah, these brats are killing me. I wish that whatever happened to them would reverse already. I'm exhausted and tired of them being little." I sit down next to him and sigh heavily.

"You guys sound like you got at least some sleep last night. Neither Deidara or I got any," Sasori mutters, glaring at his ramen distastefully. "He wouldn't shut up all night and kept throwing fits and trying to escape the room and he kept telling me about the monsters in the closet and under the bed. When will I get a decent night's sleep?"

"Never," Kisame declares as he starts eating. At that point, I realize that I believe it. I also begin to believe that the brats will never go back to normal. And that means that I'll be tortured for the rest of my goddamn life.

_**A/N: I do have a plot behind this, but I need to get past all the intros. It's hard for me to keep these guys in character when the idea of this makes them really OOC. When I get past the intros, things will get more interesting – trust me. And if you've read my other stories, then you know you can trust me on things like that because I usually know what I'm talking about. Usually…**_

_**Please review.**_


	4. It Bites Kisame

**4. It Bites – Kisame**

_The thing about baby Itachi is that he has teeth and nothing to bite. He's also really evil. I mean, not the adult evil where they want to take over the world. But the baby kind where he has nothing better to do except get into trouble. Itachi's four. And he thinks he knows it all. I won't tell him he doesn't, because then he throws tantrums; I still know better though. Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you how I got to this conclusion. Well, everyone woke up about a week ago today and found that Itachi, Deidara, Kakuzu and Tobi were babies. I wasn't exactly prepared to freak quite then. Except Itachi decided it would be fun to bite me and then I figured it was a good time to freak._

_But that little taste of freaking out was only the beginning. After everyone was assembled in the kitchen, Leader announced that he was taking Konan on vacation. Convenient, no? So Hidan, Sasori, Zetsu and I were left to take care of our baby-fied partners. They are evil little things. And the great thing about this is that we've never even touched a kid. We don't know how to take care of four used-to-be-criminals. I mean, seriously, we kill people – not raise them. Who does Leader think we are? _

_I think Hidan's been coping well. Kakuzu tortures him every second that they're awake, but I think Hidan's doing alright. Zetsu looks like he's having fun…even though Tobi might have that hyperactive disorder thing. Sasori seems like he's on the verge of a meltdown constantly. Deidara makes him play dress-up all the time – puts him in dresses and puts bows in his hair. It's hilarious. Me? I'm doing horribly. Itachi bites me all the time and hides my things and wakes me up in the middle of the night to tell me he's not tired (and he'll fall asleep almost instantly after he says that) and he won't eat what I give him and he doesn't want to play with the others – except Kakuzu and that disturbs me. They make a very evil pair. They're almost as evil as Deidara and Tobi. And that's scary. _

_But believe it or not, we're taking the brats out today._

_--  
_

"Where are your shoes, Deidara?" Sasori screams from the other room and Deidara starts whining. "Damn it, Deidara. Just tell me so we can go! We can't go anywhere if you don't have your shoes on!"

I sigh and turn to Itachi wearily. He stares up at me innocently and then grins wickedly. I frown, already feeling the scream that's hovering on the tip of my tongue. I pick him up – surprisingly, he lets me – and put him on the bed. I start putting his shoes on. This task is a little more difficult because he won't stop swinging his legs. "Do you have any intention of going anywhere today?" I ask him, finally getting his left shoe on. Deidara screams and runs past my door with Sasori close behind.

"Maybe," he chirps happily, kicking me in the jaw. I growl and trickily slip his right shoe on. And now for his jacket – the dangerous task. I get up, grab his jacket and turn around. He's standing in front of me, his eyes wide with false innocence. I shudder and try to get one of his arms in. He dodges it and starts whining. "Cut it out, Itachi! We're going out!" I wrap one arm around his waist and somehow manage to get his arms into his jacket. When I've zipped it up, he bites my hand. I let out a cry and fall backwards. He lets go and runs out of the room. "Itachi! No!" I chase after him.

I find him in the main room with Sasori gripping his arm with one hand while the other has Deidara hanging upside down by his ankle. Sasori doesn't look happy. "Take it," he growls, pushing Itachi towards me. I grab his hand before the brat can run off and sigh. I need a leash. "Are we sure that it's safe for us to be taking them out?" Sasori asks, glancing down at the red-faced boy who's still hanging upside down. He wraps an arm around the little blonde and puts him right-side up on his hip. "I mean, you can't even keep track of your own brat. Hidan's having trouble with his…"

As if on cue, Kakuzu runs into the room laughing insanely and whipping around a knife. I pick up Itachi and leap out of his path. Hidan stumbles in a moment later screaming cusses in different languages. Sasori sighs and mutters, "At least the brats can't say them…"

I growl and go in search of Zetsu. He and Tobi have been relatively quiet since Tobi transformed but it usually means that Zetsu's fallen asleep and Tobi's getting in trouble. "Tobi didn't mean to! Tobi didn't mean to!" the brat screams from down the hall and Itachi jumps in my arms. Funny, I never thought that much could startle the mini-Uchiha, but something this simple proved me wrong.

Tobi sprints down the hall and crashes into my legs, causing my knees to buckle under me and make me almost fall. Zetsu storms up to us and glares down at the brat at my feet. "Tobi…"

"Tobi still wants to go! Tobi wants to go!" he cries desperately.

And Itachi hits Zetsu on the head. Fuck.

"WHAT THE FUCK?! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! THESE BRATS ARE KILLING ME!" Zetsu screams, making Itachi cringe into me and Tobi run into the living room. "These brats take up all my time and they're so annoying – throwing shit around, hitting me on the head, kicking me out of my bed, throwing food across the room, yelling and screaming…I can't take it!!"

Hidan, gripping Kakuzu's arm, peeks around the corner. Sasori walks in holding Deidara still and now letting Tobi cling to his index and ring fingers. "Zetsu's having a breakdown," Itachi states matter-of-factly. "Shhh…he's getting to the best part."

"And finally, why in God's name are we taking the brats outside?! If we can lose them inside, we'll totally lose them outside – which probably wouldn't be such a bad thing at this point, but Leader would kill us! I say we put a fence around a small corner outside and leave them there to fend for themselves. Hey, they can't get lost and they won't bother us. And if we 'conveniently' forgot them out there, then Leader couldn't really blame us! We'll all win!" Zetsu grins maliciously. I'm almost positive that he's lost the rest of his sanity.

We're quiet for a minute and then Deidara softly says, "We'll be good, un…We don't mean to make you mad…"

Itachi raises his hand. "I do."

Deidara glares at him and he put his hand down. "We're sorry, Zetsu…We'll be good, promise, un." He sniffs and rubs his eye. Sasori glances down at the blonde who continues with a too innocently sad voice, "We're just little kids. And there's hardly anything to do in here, un! Tobi, Kakuzu and I all broke the toys that Kakuzu made and Hidan's scythe went missing. I'm running out of clay too, un! We have to come up with our own fun!" He put his hands on his hips, trying to look strong and brave because he was the only one out of all the brats who'd spoken up. But the look comes crashing down when he suddenly busts into sobs, tears streaming down his face and small yelps escaping.

Tobi lets go of Sasori's fingers and the redhead wraps his other arm around the blonde comfortingly. "Come on, Dei…"

And I start laughing. It's all too ridiculous. These kids were our partners who've been turned into babies and they were corrupting us. Sasori's acting emotional and caring. Hidan isn't swearing in Japanese anymore and he's acting like a mom. Zetsu's having breakdowns and scolding brats. And I'm no better. I'm chasing after Itachi like a stressed parent at a park and putting the brat on timeout when he's bad. The others look at me like I'm crazy and Deidara continues to cry. I calm myself down and Sasori turns back to Deidara.

"What's wrong?" the redhead asks worriedly, stroking the blonde's hair. "Aw, come on! Stop crying, Dei!"

Deidara sniffs and whimpers but stops sobbing. "I didn't mean to make you mad, un!" There's another silence as this sinks in. Only one person had been mad. "I really didn't mean to, promise!"

"Calm down," Sasori whispers, sounding a little more worried than before. "No one's mad at you now. It's alright…"

I cautiously retreat to my room with Itachi. This is too weird. Sasori's not acting like a puppet. He doesn't have feelings! We established this when he first joined the Akatsuki. And Deidara – child or not – was a pyromaniac freak who never cried. Zetsu's always calm and collected, except for when his black side gets too pissed. And Tobi only has respect for Deidara – he doesn't really care. Hidan's always swearing. And complaining about how stupid Kakuzu is. And Kakuzu's always looking for new ways to get his hands on money. And now Tobi, Deidara and Kakuzu are all babies and the others are acting stupid. I'm different too. I'm always cooing over Itachi and Itachi's always biting me.

I don't like these changes. Something weird is happening. Something that I'm not so sure I'm ready to find out about…

--

_**A/N: Ugh…Why was this chapter so hard? Sorry if it's really short. I couldn't think of anything else to write. But now comes the fun stuff. –laughs evilly– Yes…very fun indeed. Um…Yeah, well, I don't really like Kisame and Itachi all that much. So maybe that's why I had a hard time writing them…**_

_**Please review anyhow! **_


	5. Seriously? Hidan

**Disclaimer: I no own Naruto. :(**

**--  
**

**5. Seriously? – Hidan**

_At this point, all I want to know is: WHY ME?! Kakuzu just wants me to go insane. That's what he STRIVES for, I swear it! First, he makes me give up swearing and then he makes me play "house" with him and the other little brats. Oh, but get this: I'm not the dad, little kid or grandpa…No. I'm the grandma. Yeah, he's just out to get me. He sleeps under my bed so he can pop out and scare me. I know what he actually does under there; he plans my death and destruction. Death sounds kind of nice right about now…_

--

Kakuzu is kicking a tree. I'm not kidding. We'd ended up taking the kids to a clearing just outside the base so they could run around and we wouldn't lose them. They'd started out playing hide-and-seek but after they realized that none of them could count properly, they'd given up that idea. Then they'd started playing tag. Two rounds in and Tobi threw a tantrum because he couldn't run as fast as the others and kept being it. So they decided that they'd make up a game where they could all make believe and they'd combine the games. When Kakuzu came up with a fucking awesome character, the others flipped shit. So Kakuzu decided not to play. The others are off to the side playing their made up game while Kakuzu pouts and kicks a tree. I feel pretty bad for him. "Hey, Kakuzu? What're you doing?" I ask after a few minutes of watching this.

"What does it look like?" he retorts angrily. Deidara laughs loudly as Tobi tackles him. "They don't like me. I thought maybe Itachi did…but I guess he doesn't. It's not fair! Why does everyone have to hate me?!" He gives the tree an extra hard kick and whimpers at the pain.

I wince. Poor kid… "They don't hate you…You're just a bit different and they're not sure how to handle that." I just feel bad for him. If he was older, I'd probably tell him to shove it up his ass, though.

Kakuzu looks at me icily. "You're lying. I know they hate me. Everyone does."

"Hey," I snap, getting fed up with his pessimistic attitude. "I don't hate you, got it?"

"You will," he mutters glumly and looks away. "It doesn't matter if you don't now…Everyone ends up hating me. They always find a reason to." He sniffs and I realize that he's crying.

I stare sympathetically before going over to him and scooping him up gently. "Hey…" I whisper, trying to ignore the incredulous stares I was receiving. "You're a cute kid, you know that? I doubt that I'll ever hate you."

He looks up at me with his big, innocently evil eyes and giggles. "Okay. I'll be waiting to prove you wrong."

Itachi comes up and tugs on the hem of my shirt. "Can Kuzu-kun come play now?" I smile and put Kakuzu on the ground. "Come on, Kuzu-kun! We're going to play growed-ups! It'll be fun…You'll see! They run off together and all four of them start planning their game. _Not everyone hates you, kid,_ I think and grin as I watch them, even though what Kakuzu had said is still nagging at me. And more disturbing than that – Itachi has a baby crush on Kakuzu! Oh good, Lord. When will this end?

--

I can't sleep. I know what's waiting under my bed and I'm not giving it the satisfaction of knowing that it's going to scare me again tonight. Yes, that's right – Kakuzu's under my bed. It's the new game he plays at night. He waits until I'm dead asleep and then he'll crawl up and scare me. And as much as I expect him, it still cares me! Well, not tonight. Maybe _I'll _scare _him_!

…Yeah, in my dreams.

The next thing I'm conscious of is that someone's on top of me. I open my eyes and see Kakuzu who roars and retreats back under the bed. I scream and sit up. Zetsu laughs from his room. Damn, does he sleep? I throw my blankets off and jump off the side of my bed. I crouch down and smile smugly at the little brat under my bed. He stares at me with wide eyes. "Why don't you come out now?" I ask, trying to make my voice sound pleasant but only succeeding in sounding crafty. Kakuzu shakes his head. "Well, then…I guess I have no choice but to call…Tina."

"Who's Tina?" he asks softly, his eyes widening a bit more.

I'm pretty sure I shouldn't continue, but it's his fault for scaring the shit out of me every night. It's like…karma. Only I'm giving it to him. I smile sinisterly and say, "She's the monster that lives under my bed. Every night, I usually give her a steak to keep her happy because she craves meat. But I think I forgot tonight. That's okay. I'm sure you'll be a satisfying substitute…" I shrug indifferently and stand up.

Kakuzu screams bloody murder. My body stiffens in alarm. Tobi starts crying…then Deidara…and finally Itachi. Kakuzu shoots out from under the bed and clings to my leg. "Don't let Tina eat me, Hidan! Please! I'll be good! I promise! Don't let the monster eat me!" he cries. _Crap, crap, CRAP! _

Someone starts pounding on my door angrily. "I hate you, Hidan! Open the goddamn door so I can beat your face in!" What's worse than an angry Sasori? An angry Zetsu. Kakuzu starts scream-crying. I am dead meat. Why couldn't Tina be real? I'd much rather be eaten by a kick-ass monster than getting the crap beaten out of me by Zetsu.

"Like hell I'll let you in!" I cry, picking up Kakuzu and trying to calm him down.

"Then I'm kicking the door in!" Zetsu screams. "One…two..._three_!" He kicks the door and it caves easily. "You will learn how to die!" He's beyond livid.

"That was so awesome!" Kakuzu screeches happily, clapping his hands and giggling. Zetsu pauses, then turns and leaves, grumbling. And so, I am saved – for tonight.

--

"He's gunna be so mad, 'Tachi!"

"Psh, I'd like to see him do something – anything!"

"Itachi, maybe we should just stay here, un."

"Tobi seconds what Dei-Dei said."

"Dei-Dei?"

"Tobi liked how it sounded…"

"I don't mind, un. I think it's _cute_!"

"Well, I'm going to go get it anyway. You coming, Kuzu?"

"Uh…um…But…Hida-kun will get mad at me!"

"He _does_ have a scythe thing, un."

"Big deal! I want candy!"

"Alright, 'Tachi…I'm coming."

"Kakuzu's got the cooties, un!"

"Ew!!"

"Shut-up! I so do not!"

"Kakuzu likes Itachi, un! Kakuzu likes Itachi!"

"I _don't_!"

"Come _on_, Kuzu!"

"I'm coming."

"Kakuzu and Itachi, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

I hear a lot of little brat giggling. I roll over, agitated that I'm getting the sleep I desperately need. I open my eyes a little to see the blurry figures of Deidara and Tobi sitting on my floor giggling hysterically. The first thing that crosses my mind is: _How'd they get into my room? _Then I remember that Zetsu had kicked my door in last night. And then I get mad because having one brat in my room is bad enough but two that weren't mine? I don't think I can stand that. But the worst part is that _my_ brat ran off with another brat to cause much mishap. I sit up. Deidara and Tobi look up at me with wide eyes. "What're you doing in my room?" I growl.

"Uh…" Deidara starts, glancing at Tobi desperately. The other brat just shrugs. "Um…Plotting stuff, un?"

"Stuff?" I ask through my teeth. If I were a cartoon character, steam would be blowing out my ears. "What kind of 'stuff'?"

"Everyone signed a contract that said they wouldn't tell you unless threatened with death," Tobi states with a nod of finality. Deidara nods hastily.

"You signed a contract? Who wrote the contract?" I swing my legs off the bed and the brats jump up, wary. "Calm down; I'm not that mad yet."

"Itachi wrote it," Deidara tells me, a bit shaky.

"Kakuzu helped though," Tobi adds quietly. He tugs on Deidara's sleeve and they start backing towards the door. "And Dei-Dei and I signed it so we can't tell you!"

I sigh irritably just as Kakuzu and Itachi come in carrying two bags each. They freeze when they see me. "Um…Hi, Hida-kun…" Kakuzu mutters, raising one hand to wave but quickly realizing his mistake. "It isn't what it looks like."

"Oh, yeah? Where's everyone?" I ask testily, slowly realizing what exactly was going on. They all shrug, glancing at each other with innocent looks. "Hand over the bags."

"NEVER!" Itachi screams and dashes out of the room, quickly followed by the other three brats. I jump from the bed and chase after them. Hall, room, hall, door, wall…Ow, wall…I stumble backward after running into a wall. Kakuzu stops, peeks around the corner, laughs and then starts running again as I regain my balance and start pursuing them once again. Hall – really long hall – and another room, oh, and I pass Sasori's room to see him and the other two adults tied up with jump ropes. I backpedal and go into the room. They have duct tape over their mouths. Where did the brats find duct tape?! I help the others from their traps and they stand up, furious.

"Where are they?" Sasori inquires icily. "I swear to God, I'm going to rip their organs out and turn them into puppets and after that, I'm going to _burn them_!"

"You made me stop chasing them," I tell him angrily. "But they went that way."

"Then we have to find them before it's too late," Kisame states, already to the door. He motions for us to follow him and we do so. After an hour of searching the house from top to bottom, we stop and sit down in the kitchen to brainstorm.

"I think we should set traps," Zetsu offers with an evil grin. "We'll, like, put out candy or something and have a net under it so when they step on it, we just catch them."

"That'd be great, except we don't have a net and the brats took all the candy while I was still sleeping," I retort, getting even more ticked. It was too early for this crap! "But traps…Yes, that's not a bad idea…"

"We can't kill them," Sasori reminds me sternly. I mutter curses under my breath and he smacks me upside the head. "We banned swearing, remember? Now think, you idiot."

"I am! What do you think I'm doing? Killing squirrels?!" I snort, livid. "I need cake, those jump ropes, string, and a bucket," I command, gaining a crafty smile. The other three stare at me warily before they dash off to get the items. You take my candy and you get in tons of trouble – even if you are between 3 and 5 years old.

--

**A/N: Ah…It's been quite awhile since I last updated, hasn't it? –gets various fruits and vegetables thrown at her– IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I lost inspiration. This story is actually based on a game that my friend and I have been playing but with a bit more plot. Well, we moved on to another game for awhile so I stopped writing because our game was our inspiration. We're back in action and so is my story. God, Kakuzu's baby character is just so much fun! Anyway, um, oh yeah! Before I forget, I made a reference. The killing squirrels bit was based off of the amazing story: "Into the Fire" by, Arrina-san. If you haven't read it, go read it. So, yeah, I can't take credit for that idea. **

**Please review? You can haz cookiez…**


	6. This Is More Than Just BabySitting Now

**S-Class **_**Babies?!**_

**6: This Is More Than Just Baby-Sitting Now– Zetsu**

**Disclaimer: I no own Naruto.**

--

I think the bucket is the hardest thing to find, in all actuality. It's like household items don't exist in the base. I never thought about it much so I guess it kind of confused me when I started looking for cleaning supplies and I actually found some – after much searching and uncovering. Konan's a girl; of course there would be cleaning supplies around. It's when I finally find the bucket that a horrible thought strikes me: _Konan won't be the only girl around here when she gets back. _I shiver, grab the bucket and run to the kitchen. When I get there, Hidan's standing on a stool, tying jump ropes to a loose ceiling tile and reinforcing it with a nail. I wonder how well that will work for whatever he's planning. The stool's wobbly and both Sasori and Kisame are below him, waiting for him to fall so they can keep him from wrecking himself. Smart, considering that Kakuzu's a baby and is unable to sew him up.

I wander over and Hidan looks down at me, almost losing his balance. "Yes, you found it!" he cries happily, hopping off the stool and almost giving the other two a heart attack. "Here, give it." He snatches the bucket from my hands and starts tying it to the jump rope. "Awesome!"

"When are you going to clue us in?" I ask finally. He shrugs, setting a slice of cake on the floor. I watch him tug on the jump rope. It easily slides past the nail and the bucket handle taps the nail slightly. He grins and motions for us to hide.

"This could take awhile so get comfortable," he tells us as he squishes himself into a cupboard. We watch and wait for what feels like forever. And then we hear a rustling noise. We all hold our breath and watch the entrance.

Itachi pokes his head around the corner and glances around quickly. "Okay, guys; all clear. Let's go." Then one by one the brats all swarm the kitchen. Kakuzu dives for the cake and Hidan lets go of the jump rope. It drops onto the brat's head and he screeches. Alerted, the other three try to scatter but from our hiding places, they've been evenly matched. We launch from our hiding places and grab our brats, securing their arms. Hidan tosses the string up and down in his left hand and then takes Kakuzu and wraps some of it around him. When that brat is all tied up, he moves to ours. After they were all secure, we set them on the counter.

"Where is my candy?" Hidan hisses, getting into Itachi's face. The kid stretches his neck away from him as far as he can without falling backward. "Where the he…ck is it?!"

Itachi smiles sinisterly. "You'll never get a word out of us. This is top secret info and you're not allowed to know it!" He sticks his tongue out and then grins.

Sasori rolls his eyes. "That's not how you interrogate someone, Hidan." He turns to Deidara and smiles in his sickly sweet way. "Deidara, please will you tell me where you hid the candy? It's really important to Hidan. And it also determines whether or not you'll be going to time-out."

Deidara's visible eye widens and he whimpers. "Don't do it, Dei-Dei!" Tobi whispered urgently. "Remember the contract! Remember the oath!" We all glance at each other and then back at them.

"What oath?" Kisame asks, puzzled. They all take deep breaths.

"We vow to never tell the growed-ups any of our plans or what goes on between the four of us. What we say is top secret and is not for growed-ups' ears. If one is ever to tell a growed-up what we say, they will be banished from our club." They all close their mouths and nod simultaneously. We all stare at each other with wide eyes.

Hidan lets out a frustrated scream and stomps over to a wall where he repeatedly slams his head against it. "This. Is. So. Stupid!!" he cries angrily.

"Look, can't you, like, I don't know…Disregard the oath or say that it's useless now? We really need to know where the candy is so that Hidan…" There's a loud crack and we all look over at Hidan. He backs away from the wall, seeming dizzy. We glance at the wall when we're sure that he's not bleeding and see a small hole in it.

"That's gunna take a lot of money to fix that," Kakuzu states simply. I look at him, baffled. "Well, it is. And you won't get a cent out of me for that."

"Jesus Christ! I thought I heard a growed-up Kakuzu!" Hidan screams before he topples backward. "Ah, goddamn it. That fucking hurt." Sasori calmly walks over to him. He crouches down and vanishes from our vision behind the counter. Kisame and I squeeze our eyes shut and grit our teeth, waiting for the scream. And we hear it, along with a lot of pounding noises. Sasori stands up and serenely leaves the kitchen.

Kisame hurries over to him and glances down at his now limp figure. "Well, he's not bleeding."

"That's always a good sign," I agree and turn back to the brats. "You're all facing time-outs at this point, just so you know."

Deidara looks like he's about to break and the only thing stopping him from telling me is Tobi who's staring intently at him. Kisame walks back over to me and we stare at them, letting the pressure build up for Deidara. "Otay!! I know where it is, un!" Kakuzu huffs angrily. "We stashed it…um…under Kisa-kun's bed. But it's way in the back and there's no way that any of you big guys will fit under there, un! And I will never, ever help you get it and neither will any of the others!" He sticks his tongue out and pouts.

Kisame and I give each other understanding looks before we look back at them. "Really?" Kisame asks innocently. "Because we're running low on toys for you guys and they can easily be confiscated. Along with your beds and drawing things…" This time, Tobi looks like he really wants to cave. He glances at his friends and they all shake their heads. "…And stuffed animals…" Itachi's eyes widen and Kakuzu loses his angry look. "…And books…" They all start talking at once. We smile in triumph.

"So, who's going to get the candy for us?" I inquire politely. They all scream that they will. Kisame and I balance two brats each in our arms and wander to Kisame's room. I untie Tobi because I trust him the most. He crawls under the bed and starts throwing things out from under it. I watch as broken toys come flying out, pencils, paper, and one of Sasori's swords that I have to dodge. I look at Kisame, amazed. Then Tobi wiggles his way back out with two bags of candy in his hands.

"Here you go," he announces and sits up. He looks like a little puppy dog who's convinced he's done something good when it's really the opposite he's done. "Tobi's a good boy." I snatch the candy away from him and put it on Kisame's bed temporarily. "Now what? Should we find Sasori and wake up Hidan or keep them tied up like this for awhile?"

"I'm hungry, un." Deidara looks up at me and blinks. There's something about blue eyes that I just don't trust. I take Tobi's hand and we leave Kisame's room, locking the door behind us. Kisame puts Itachi down and tucks the key into his pocket before picking the brat back up.

--

"I don't get it," I tell Kisame as we watch the kids sleep. He looks at me curiously. "They're so evil. I mean, that's to be expected because as grown-ups, they're S-Class Criminals but…they're babies. How can four babies hold so much evil?"

He's silent for a moment, staring at the kids again. "I'm not sure. But I do know one thing." I glance at him strangely. "Deidara's always been a pyromaniac and Kakuzu's always been a miser." I chuckle and we walk out of the room, shutting the door silently behind us. "Taking care of them is like a life lesson that the gods have given us."

"I think of it more as a test that the devil himself has given us…" I mumble. We collapse just outside the door, relaxing our sore limbs. "I can't wait until they grow up again so I can get a decent night's sleep. I think I might die of exhaustion."

Kisame grins. "Not before me." We stay silent for a few minutes, basking in the silence. "Hey, Zetsu; do you think they'll remember all this when they're older?" I look at him in surprise. That was something I'd never thought about since this whole thing started. I shrug. "I'm afraid that they will. If they do, I'm even more afraid of what they'll do to us when they remember all the times we stuck them on time-out and spanked them."

I suppress a laugh. "The spanking part scares me a little, yeah. I hope that it doesn't turn them on when they get back to their normal ages." We burst out into silent laughter. When we regain our breath, we just stare at each other as the comedy of the situation leaves and the horror replaces it. "Oh, man. I wish this would just end. This is so freaky and messed up."

"Don't let Hidan or Sasori hear you talking like that. They'll beat us up for being weak," Kisame whispers, a hint of anger touching his voice. "Do you know what ticks me off most?"

"Sasori hitting on Hidan – literally and figuratively?" I suggest nonchalantly. Although that part ticks _me _off a little and I have yet to figure out why.

He shakes his head. "No, but that's really annoying. It's the fact that Sasori took charge like someone gave that right to him. And that he and Hidan are acting like we should already know how to baby-sit." He sighs almost sadly. "They're, like, ganging up on us and making me feel down. Sometimes I just want to beat on them because they act so damn arrogant. They may kick ass in battle but so do we and this isn't fighting, damn it!"

"I don't know, that's pretty debatable, you know – this could be considered the most dangerous of all fighting," I tell him seriously. He takes that into consideration and then nods. I sigh this time. "But you're right. They're being really obnoxious. It's almost as bad as the kids themselves!" I lean over, snapping my Venus flytrap shut over me. I scream into it. It bounces around a little before it slowly disappears. I stare into the dark for a moment and then sit back up, opening my Venus flytrap up. "I suppress my anger." Kisame nods in understanding.

--

"RAWR!" Kisame screams and Itachi dashes after him. "I wants to _bite_ you!"

"You're not a freaking vampire, got it?!" Kisame screeches as Itachi wraps his arms around his leg. Sasori watches, bored, as Kisame limps around a little and then collapses. "GAH!" Itachi laughs as he sinks his teeth into his leg.

"I wonder when Itachi will get over this vampire fling," Sasori mutters, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. "It's almost entertaining at this point. But the gashes are what worry me." He shakes his head and takes Deidara's hand, leading him to the kitchen. I reach down and gently grab Tobi's hand, walking him into the kitchen as well. Kisame makes a gargling noise behind us. We strap the kids into their makeshift highchairs and they sit there happily, talking to each other contently. "So, this has been interesting, huh?"

I nod. "No joke. Seriously, though, this whole incident is pretty messed up. I'm sick of changing diapers, just for the record," I agree with a roll of my eyes as I start searching the cupboards. "I think someone will have to go to the market soon. We're running low on a lot of stuff – the biggest dent is in the ramen. God, they eat a lot of that crap."

Sasori peeks over my shoulder, his chest brushing against my shoulder blade. I feel my breath hitch but quickly force it back to its regular pattern. "You're right. I can't believe they like that stuff so much," he murmurs and backs away. I relax, realizing how tense I'd been. I look at the kids as they giggle about something and listen to my heart race faster. "Maybe I'll get Hidan to go. I'll even give him extra so he can get some Pocky for the brats so they'll stay out of his candy."

"Yeah, that sounds smart," I mumble, letting go of the counter to get the last two packages of ramen down. "He'll have to go soon. But I doubt he'd be able to carry all the stuff back by himself. Maybe I should go with him." Deidara and Tobi suddenly look up at us and we stare back, a bit frightened.

"Can we go, un?" Deidara asks, tilting his head to one side so he appears even more innocent than usual – which seems to scare Sasori immensely. "Please?"

Sasori shakes his head quickly. "Nope, sorry, guys. If you guys go then the others will want to go and that will attract a lot of attention. And attention is bad for us, okay? Maybe we'll take you out later," he adds when they look like they're about to start throwing fits. Satisfied, they ask for lunch. "It'll be done soon so just be patient. Cool?" They nod and go back to talking to each other. Kisame screams loudly before it's suddenly cut off by a sinister little baby laugh. I sigh shakily and try not to wonder why I feel like I have butterflies whapping at the inside of my stomach.

--

I lie in bed, staring intently at the ceiling as I listen to Tobi's soft snores beside me. My mind is swarming and I keep replaying what happened to me earlier in the kitchen. It was really weird. I hadn't felt like that since…since I first met Tobi. I suddenly sit up urgently. So that's what that feeling was? I shake my head, clamping my hands over it. I am now extremely freaked out. I can't like Sasori like that because I like Tobi like that – grown up Tobi, I mean! I open my mouth like I'm going to scream but I don't let any sound out. My heartbeat speeds up as I replay the incident in the kitchen again. Those damn butterflies whap the inside of my stomach like they had earlier and I think im going to be sick.

This is wrong but I just have to put this out there: I like Tobi and I feel like an asshole thinking about Sasori the way I am. I glance down at baby Tobi and he snorts a little louder than before. I stare at his little figure and smile. He's cute as a kid. It's odd for me to admit it – even in my head – but I'm starting to think about Sasori a little differently than I had been when I was talking to Kisame. Maybe that was because I was covering it up? Or maybe I just didn't know until I felt Sasori against me. And then another thought strikes me. Maybe I just really need release. I drop my head onto my pillow and let out a low growl of frustration.

I am seriously starting to hate life. Tobi whimpers and rolls over, throwing his arm over my ribcage. I let out a huff of surprise. That hurt.

--

_**A/N: No, no. It will not turn out to be SasoZet. Wait until the next chapter and it shall all be explained. Also, I was thinking about where they got baby clothes and diapers. I'm going to delete and repost a revised version of the first chapter if you want to know. It should be readable in about an hour, give or take. In the meantime, enjoy the weirdness this story is headed in. And please review, too. **_


	7. Grow Up Already Sasori

**S-Class **_**Babies?!**_

**7: Grow Up Already – Sasori**

**Disclaimer: I no own Naruto.**

**A/N: BEWARE: This is the longest chapter I've written for this story!! Okay, enjoy anyway...  
**

--

"Sasori-san!" Deidara screams from the bedroom. I sink into my seat and sigh irritably. "SASORI-SAN!!" And then Tobi starts screaming and then Itachi starts screaming and the only kid who isn't screaming at that moment is Kakuzu. I glance at Kisame and he smiles pleasantly at me – or actually, it's more like he smiles smugly at me. I push myself off my seat and saunter down the hall to where the kids were sleeping but are now screaming. I open the door and am bombarded by three crying, screaming kids. I hit the ground with a gasp and my head barely knocks against the wall behind me. "Sasori-san, Kakuzu's being WEIRD, un!" I look up at him warily.

They all climb off of me and let me stand up before they cling to my legs desperately. I look into the room to see Kakuzu sitting on a bed staring happily at me. And then I see why they said he's being weird. He's taking some of his thread that he usually keeps so delicately sewed into himself and stitching a pillow back together. I actually think that's pretty amazing considering there's hardly anything left of the pillow and he isn't even looking at the thing. "Hi, Sasori. I'm fixing something, see?"

I nod and force a smile on my face. "Yeah, I can see that. You're doing an awesome job, Kakuzu." I glance behind me to see Kisame walking up curiously. Hidan and Zetsu had left to go to the market moments before Deidara's screaming so I'm pretty sure they'll be happy about their timing. Kisame looks kind of freaked out. I pry the kids off my legs and they all flee to Kisame's legs, almost causing him to lose his balance. I walk confidently into the room and sit down next to Kakuzu, watching him stitch the pillow. He stares at me anxiously. "That's really cool, Kakuzu…" I breathe, showing as much admiration as I can.

"Really? You think so? Most people get freaked out and they run away…" he tells me, almost sounding ashamed. "But I like fixing things like this. It's fun." He reaches over and picks up the pillow, placing it gently on his lap as he finishes the last few stitches. "It doesn't look the same as it used to, does it?" he asks quietly, avoiding looking at me.

I gaze at him for a moment and then I say, "Most things don't look the same after you fix them. I know because I'm fixed." He whips his head around to look at me with wide eyes. "I fixed myself, see?" I pull one of my sleeves up and show him my arm. He studies it for a moment and then looks back up at me. "I thought I was broken when I started the whole process but I didn't look quite right when I finished. I don't look exactly the same as I used to because of all the things I had to fix."

Kakuzu stops stitching the pillow and he stares at it blankly. "My mom and dad thought I looked funny when I first found this jutsu. I think I scared them. But look what I can do with my strings! They never knew what I'm capable of. I could've fixed them, too…" He sighs and then turns to face me. "My mom and dad went away for awhile and when they came back, they weren't the same. Not like what I can do but worse. They weren't fixed and it was too late for me to do anything for them. I wonder if they're still alive or if they're still waiting to die. I hate those doctors who say that they fixed them!"

"But, Kakuzu, they're not like the rest of us. They're jutsus are only adequate compared to ours. If they knew what we could do, they would have let you fix them. And I'm sure they would have appreciated your help, had they had the choice," I tell him, putting one hand on his knee. He smiles a little. "You're an awesome little brat, you know that?" He giggles happily and I smile down at him. Itachi peeks into the room and glances around before running over to the bed. He folds his arms on it and looks up at Kakuzu.

"Hey, Kuzu-kun, your strings stopped moving!" Kakuzu nods indifferently. "It startled me, just so you know," Itachi states matter-of-factly. "Anyway, you wants to come play with us now?" Kakuzu grins and nods furiously. He unfolds his legs and I move my hand. He jumps off the bed and then I hear Kisame let out a cry. I sigh as Itachi and Kakuzu run off down the hall.

"Well, it was nice while it lasted. I think that if they have the capacity to be so calm, I won't mind watching them now…" I climb off the bed and walk calmly down the hall after the two brats. They squeal from father down the hall and I hear them running away laughing. _Seriously, if this is how they're constantly going to act, I'm going to know a lot about these guys when they turn back into adults. Can you say blackmail?_

--

I collapse in the family room along with Kisame who lands a little ways away from me. "I'm so exhausted…" I whisper, flinching when Tobi's leg swings off of the couch and almost hits me in the head. "Where the heck are Hidan and Zetsu, dang it?!" At that moment, there's a lot of cursing in different languages just outside the door and then the door crashes open. I sit up as fast as I can to stare at Hidan in horror. Then Deidara sits up and looks around.

When he sees Hidan he grins happily. "Did you bring me something, un?!" He jumps off the couch, narrowly missing Itachi, and runs over to Hidan. "Did you, did you, did you??" He jumps up and down in front of him and then I see Tobi poke his head over the top of the couch.

"Oh! What about Tobi? You didn't forget Tobi, did you?" he cries, scampering over the couch.

"Hey, don't do that! You'll fa—" There's a loud crash and I stand up urgently as Tobi starts screaming. Zetsu hurries in and sets the bags he's carrying down. He practically runs over to Tobi and picks him up, searching for any external wounds. When he's certain that Tobi's okay, he stands up, still holding the little boy. He sighs angrily, trying to calm down – or at least from what I can tell he's trying to calm down. "It's a good thing we got what we did."

I look at him curiously and Hidan reaches into one of the bags, producing a toy. I grin. "We were hoping that if they had something to do, they'd stop being so evil all the time. They were pretty cheap, that's why we got them," Hidan explains, handing Tobi the toy. He laughs happily and takes the toy. He swings it around, barely missing Zetsu's head. Hidan gives Deidara a toy and hands the other two toys to me.

"Smart," I congratulate him and he sends me a glare. "Hey, Hidan…" I glance down at the still sleeping Kakuzu, set the toys down by his feet and then back up at Hidan. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" He nods and we go to my room where I explain what had happened this morning. He almost looks horrified for a moment and then it seems to click and he nods miserably.

"Who knew we'd learn so much about these guys while they're like this?" he whispers, awed. "I just thought they were born evil but they actually have a reason to be this way…" He stares at me, his purple eyes almost seeming understanding at this point. I sigh and look at my knees, my stomach doing weird flippy things. "You know what really scares me about this whole thing – besides the fact that Itachi and Kakuzu like each other and Kakuzu's messed up?" I shake my head and look back at him. "All the feelings involved."

I almost jump away from him but something manages to keep me in place. I give him a lopsided smile and ask, "What do you mean?" He laughs and falls back onto the bed. "And I do ask that seriously, just so you know."

"Yeah, I know." He pauses and I look over at his expression. It looks almost nervous. "I mean, there are so many complicated feelings floating around right now. When Kakuzu was an adult, I actually liked him – a little." He opens one eye to evaluate my expression. When he seems satisfied, he continues. "And now all I can see him as is like a son or a little brother or a demon I have to baby-sit. So I guess I had to find someone else to admire or whatever. If I could rip my fucking heart out, I so would…" His eyes snap open and he stares at me anxiously.

"I'm not going to hit you," I tell him, amused. "I want to hear what else you have to say. So, please, continue." I smile pleasantly at him and he closes his eyes again warily.

He takes a deep breath and then starts talking again. "Well, judging by the weird fast-paced pounding in my chest, I'm assuming that I currently like you." I'm silent while I absorb that. I stare at my hands and realize that they're shaking. Hidan notices too. "Ah, man. And here I thought nothing could scare you."

"What? You think something scared me? Nothing can scare me, you freak," I snap, unintentionally sounding harsh. He recoils a little, looking apologetic. "Sorry." I look up at him and take a deep breath. "I need to concentrate on taking care of Deidara right now. If I lose any of my focus, he'll find a way to kill us both. And I swear it will be painful." He smiles a little. "My stomach keeps doing weird things to me so I'm assuming that I like you, too, though."

Hidan grins and sits up, twisting to face me. "Want to make a bet on how long this will last?" he asks, raising one eyebrow mischievously.

"Sure. I say it'll last until we find a way to turn the brats back into adults. So, give me about two or three more weeks," I tell him, extending my hand.

He takes it and nods. "Alright and I'm saying two or three more weeks and a few days later." We shake on it and he tugs on my arm, catching me off guard. Our lips connect and I pull away, feeling my face heat up – which is odd considering that I didn't have any blood to warm my cheeks. "If I win, I get another one of those. But I get to choose the terms and all that."

"Fine but if I win, you have to make-out with Kakuzu," I retort, ignoring the fact that neither of us had made attempts to withdraw our hands. "And I get to choose the terms for that and all that fun stuff." He nods and then we both hear Kisame scream. I jump up but am almost dragged back down when I realize that Hidan's still holding me in place. "You're going to pull my arm off," I tell him, wondering what he was thinking.

Hidan grins and tugs. "Fine by me." I shuffle back over to avoid having my arm ripped off. "Zetsu's out there and you could use a break…" I shake my head, feeling that odd sensation in my cheeks again.

"So? Kisame could use that same break and the brats have had naps so they're all energized and ready to go," I tell him quickly, losing my nerves at a rapid pace. "Come on, Hidan, we should go help them." He sighs and stands up reluctantly, never letting go of my hand. "Finally. Let's go find out what Itachi did to Kisame." We walk out and are almost knocked over by Itachi and Kakuzu who run past us.

"Oh, Jashin-sama!" Hidan cries, looking up at the ceiling before letting go of my hand and running down the hall. I lift my hand and turn it over, looking at my tingling palm. I feel myself smile as I wander down the hall after them. I know that when Deidara was an adult, I actually liked him – to an extent, he's still really annoying. But now I have other options and with our partners as babies, these opportunities can be extended to even after they turn back into adults. Tobi runs up behind me and knocks into my legs, making my knees buckle.

I topple and I hear Tobi mutter, "Oops" behind me. I let out a low growl as I turn over to look at the little boy. He's standing about a yard away from my feet, shaking and looking like he's about to cry. I sit up and he tries to back away. I grab his hand and pull him back over to me, placing him on my lap. He looks up at me with wide eyes, frightened. Am I really that scary? I mean, I thought for sure Hidan's scarier than me.

"Okay, kiddo. Why are you running around like a madman?" I ask teasingly. He just stares at me. I'd never really noticed but his eyes are pretty. I shake my head and sigh. "Never mind, don't answer that. I don't really want to know anyway. So, instead, where's Deidara?"

"Tobi can answer _that_," he tells me with a roll of his auburn eyes. "He went to your bedroom but he wouldn't tell Tobi why." He shrugged indifferently. "He was looking for something, Tobi thinks…"

"Okay…" I pick him up, set him down by the wall, and run down the hall, toward my room. "Thank-you, that's very helpful." I burst into my room where I see Deidara jumping up and down on my bed. He laughs when he sees me and picks up one of my spare limbs. I stare at it for a moment, wondering where he'd found that. "Hey, I need that!" He laughs harder and sticks his hand into the arm, triggering one of the traps inside. I about scream as I run at him, snatching the arm from him. He stands there, staring teary-eyed at me.

The hand shoots off of the arm and I duck, letting it hit the ceiling just above the doorframe. I stand up straight again, wondering where I'd gotten that idea and why. I turn the arm so the wrist is facing the wall where my dresser is and several needles shoot out of it. I look at the wall where all the needles are and Deidara starts laughing. I stare at him and he points at the arm. "That's so funny, un! I want to try, I want to try!"

"No!" I snap, dropping the arm. There's a ticking sound and I glance down at it. "You were messing with it, weren't you?" I ask in disbelief, glowering at him. He shakes his head. I pick him up hurriedly and run out of the room, slamming the door behind me. I dash down the hall as a loud bang echoes through the base. Deidara screams and laughs in my ear. I spin, checking to make sure I was safe where I was. Flames lick the doorframe and wall just outside what used to be our semi-permanent room. I stare at it, suddenly not exactly angry but definitely not amused.

I walk to the living room and set Deidara down in front of Zetsu by Tobi. Zetsu looks up at me. "I'll watch him," he tells me when he sees my expression. I nod and go to the kitchen where I get the bucket and fill it with water. It was a start and since I usually started fires, putting one out wasn't something I was really good at. When I get to the room, the flames are slowly snaking down the hallway. I look at the bucket and then toss it aside. Hesitantly, I put my hands out. I trigger my water guns and small pipes push out of my palms. I rotate my hands until I find the right setting so the water slowly douses the flames. When the flames are successfully out, I spin my hands until the water stops running.

I slowly lower my hands, letting droplets of water slip from the pipes as I withdraw them. I walk over to the door and stare inside the room. Everything inside is completely black and I'm pretty surprised that the walls aren't melted. Nothing in the room survived – it was all black ash. I stare at it, slowly overcome with grief. I swallow hard and lean back against the wall behind me. My heart beats unevenly in its cylinder. I touch it cautiously and let my fingers absorb the pulse of it. "It's been so long since I've felt my heart beat like this…" I whisper, pushing away from the wall and walking into the ruins of the room.

"Sasori-san?" a soft voice murmurs from the doorway. I turn to see Hidan, Zetsu, Kisame, Deidara, Tobi, Kakuzu, and Itachi all standing there. Hidan looks very repentant and Deidara looks like he was about to cry. I smile sadly at them as Deidara walks in. "Did this hurt you, un?"

I shake my head, turning back and looking at the black window. "No, not really." I walk toward the window cautiously, getting ready in case I fell. About three feet from the window, the floor starts creaking. I gasp as the ground collapses under me. Deidara screams from above me and I hear the others running over but I'm concentrating on landing on my feet. My heart thumps against the cylinder in my chest and I breathe quickly as I collapse on hard dirt.

"Sasori?!" Hidan cries from above me. I don't answer right away. I glance around but all I see is black. I close my eyes and start adjusting my sight. "Sasori, are you alright?!" I open my eyes and scream. "Sasori…!"

"Sasori-san! Did you break your head, un?!" Deidara shouts, sounding panicked. Despite the startling scene before me, I can't help but to laugh at Deidara's question. "Zetsu-san…I think he really broke his head…"

"No, I'm fine!" I call back up to them. "But you should see this…" I stand up and stumble over to the table against the wall in front of me. I grip it tightly, trying to regain my balance. Before me, there's an unrolled piece of paper that has blueprints covering the whole thing. I stare at it for a moment but can't uncover what the blueprint is for. Giving up, I glance around once more. And then I see what had startled me into screaming. One of my old, beat up human puppets is hanging from the ceiling, a few feet from where the floor above caved. I wander over to it, dazed. I touch its arm and it spins slowly to face me. "Ahh!" I scream, backing away from it.

There's a stomping sound and then Zetsu's voice, "What?!"

"I…It's Harinai…" I say, meaning to whisper but not succeeding. The puppet's head is tilted downward and, out of morbid curiosity, I tuck my hand under its chin and pull its head up so I can see its face. Its eyes are gone, leaving nothing but hollow black holes in its head. Its mouth is twisted upward in a sinister smile and it has several cracks in its face. "Who did this to you…?" I whisper, dropping my hand to my side. There's a cracking sound and then the head tips off, clanking onto the ground and rolling away from me. I glare at the puppet's body, staring at its broken limbs and wrecked insides. I gently pick up its right hand and examine it closely. "They broke Chiyo's arm! That was valuable and useful, dammit!" Angry, I drop its hand and throw my fist into its caving chest.

The puppet's chest shatters, displaying all the traps hidden inside. My hand uncurls inside and I wrap my hand carefully around the metal heart I'd installed when I'd first made the puppet. I pull my hand out and open my fist, staring at the rusting heart resting in my hand. After I'd changed my parents, I'd moved onto other ideas. I'd started turning people into puppets as my hobby. When I'd discovered that I could pull limbs off and reattach them on other puppets, I'd started making mix-matched puppets. The first mix-matched puppet I'd ever made was Harinai. But I'd started fixing it again when Chiyo gave me one of her fake arms. It had turned out to be unsuccessful so I'd thrown it into my discard pile.

I stare at the puppet's broken body numbly. I throw the rusty heart down and it shatters pathetically. There's a crashing sound behind me and I jump, spinning. A bookshelf had collapsed by the table, crunching over it and covering everything that had been on it. "Sasori?" Hidan calls and then I hear a loud thud. "Ow, god fucking damn it…" I turn to see Hidan slowly sitting up. I hurry over to him and help him up. He smiles gratefully at me and I turn away, trying to ignore the heat in my cheeks. "Thanks. Now what's up with all the noise?"

"Everything down here keeps falling apart," I tell him, leading him carefully to the collapsed bookshelf. "Whoever put all this stuff down here, put it down here a long time ago and probably forgot about it." His hand tightens a little around mine and I glance back at him. "What's wrong?" I ask worriedly, seeing his frightened expression.

"I can't see a damn thing," he whispers, his eyes widening a little. "I'm going to get killed, aren't I? Something's going to pop out and fucking rip my head off or something, right?" I can hear the panic in his voice and I stare at him for a moment, awed. Finally, I hesitantly close the space between us and wrap my arms around his waist as he reluctantly lets go of my hand.

"Firstly, nothing's down here except one of my broken puppets – and I don't know where it came from – and a bunch of rotting wood that's causing things to fall apart," I inform him quietly. His muscles tense at the feeling of my jaw against his chest. "And second, you can't die. Even if you could, I wouldn't let you." We stand there for a minute, just like that. His arms hang limply at his sides while I keep my arms tight around his torso, trying to tell him that I'd be right here until he was fine again. "I'll light one of my hands, if that would make you feel better."

I feel Hidan's head tilt and his chin tap against the top of my head. "What do you mean?" he asks. I pull away, grabbing his hand before he starts freaking out again. I put my free hand out, palm up and as far away from him as I can get it. I twist my hand around once and trigger my flamethrower. A small flame emanates from my palm and I look back at Hidan, adjusting my sight so it was like his. I watch his expression carefully, waiting to see his reaction. I had only shown one other person some of the things I could do and this one I had never shown. "That's handy," he tells me casually, staring at the flame.

I sigh and turn my head, staring at the bookshelf that's now poorly illuminated. "Come on, I want to see what else is down here," I command, tugging on his hand a little. He doesn't move and I look at him curiously.

"But all the brats are up there with Zetsu and Kisame…" he whispers, still sounding frightened. "We should find a way back up."

I glance around and then nod. "You're right but we can't get back up the way we came down." I grin and he shudders slightly. "I guess that means we'll just have to wander around a little until we find some sort of door out of here, huh?"

"You mean like that?" He lifts our hands and pushes my arm behind my head. I tilt my head back and look at his hand. He has his pointer finger aiming at the wall where the bookshelves used to be. I spin my arm with the flamethrower in the hand around and stare at the wall blankly. A small door is set deep into the wall, a tiny knob sticking out of one side of it.

"Yeah, exactly like that," I mumble, defeated. "Let's see if it goes where I hope it does." I untangle our arms from behind my head and lead him over to the door. I let go of his hand and reach out, gently tugging the doorknob to the side. It creaks as it slides open. I stick my lighted hand into the cavern and see two sets of stairs – one going up and one going down. Hidan reaches out and wraps his hand around mine again. I smile.

"Jeez, you can go down even further?!" Hidan practically cries. I laugh at him. "Sasori, can I ask you something?" I turn back to look at him cautiously. "You can feel, can't you? You can feel emotions and you can feel my touch." As if to prove his point, he lets go of my hand and puts it on my shoulder. I look down at it, surprised.

"Hidan…I still have my skin. The nerves are embedded in the very layers of our flesh and there's no taking them out. So, yes, I can feel your touch. It's warm – warmer than I'll ever be – and supporting…" I trail off, realizing how weak that makes me sound. I change my anticipating expression to a bored one as I stare at him. He stares back, anxious now. "And I had to preserve my brain so I could talk and move, control my charka and movements. Either way, if you believe that emotions come from the brain or the heart…I have both. So between the two, I must have emotions somewhere, right?"

He nods, looking thoughtful now. "That makes sense now. I mean, I was constantly wondering how you could get so impatient with no emotions floating around in that head of yours." He grins playfully at me.

I smile weakly. "I have one question to ask you now." He tilts his head curiously. "Are you scared of what I can do?" I glance at my hand to indicate what I mean. Hidan's silent for a moment, just staring at me. Slowly, hesitantly, he takes his other hand and places it on my left shoulder. He starts sliding that hand down my arm until it reaches my wrist. I watch his movement carefully. He slips his hand under mine. "Be careful. I don't want you to get burned."

"I won't die," he reminds me with a snort. I turn my head to face him.

"But you can get hurt and I don't want that," I tell him firmly. He looks at me, eyes wide in surprise. "So…Just be careful…" I whisper, directing my gaze back to the flickering flames.

"I will, I promise," he mumbles, staring at the fire again. He continues to move his hand under mine, gently and carefully intertwining our fingers without getting too close to the flames that crackled on my palm. "I'm not scared of what you can do. In fact, if anything, I'm more interested in what you haven't shown me." I smile as he curses under his breath and a blush stains his cheeks. "I mean…If you can do more things like this fire, then I'm interested to know what they are, you know?"

"They can kill you," I tell him quietly, scared of where his thoughts are taking him. "I would never willingly show you any of my weapons unless I'm defending."

Hidan turns his head to look at me, his eyes bright in the dim light. "You seem more human than you have ever seemed to me before." I stare back, startled. Abruptly, he takes his hand that's under my hand and wraps it around my waist, pulling me close to him. He takes his other hand that was resting on my shoulder and tucks it behind my head. He tilts his head down and I feel my lips part in anticipation. Our lips touch and I move my free hand to the back of his head, eager to feel even more human.

"Are you guys okay?" Kisame calls down to us, making us both jump. We both yell that we're fine and then, stepping back away from Hidan, I take his hand and drag him up the stairs. He stumbles a few times and I stop to make sure that he's all right. When we reach the top, I turn to him.

"You're going to have to open the door up there for me – if you want to continue having light, that is," I inform Hidan and he nods determinedly. He steps in front of me and touches the ceiling above. He pushes it and it creaks. He shoves it a little harder and it pops open, flipping to one side. "Get yourself up there. I'll follow." He does as he's told – placing both his hands on the ground above and heaving himself up. He turns and looks down at me. I withdraw my flamethrower and pull myself up as well.

Hidan takes my hand after I close the door. I adjust my sight and glance around, stopping suddenly. He tugs on my hand urgently but I don't move. I twist my head around a few times, startled. "What? I can't see anything. Where are we? What's wrong?" he whispers quickly.

I turn my head back to look at him with wide eyes. My heart is pounding rapidly again in my cylinder as I murmur, "We're in Pein's room."

--

_**A/N: Cliffhanger! Have I ever done a cliffhanger in this story?? Jesus, I think this is the first one I've ever done! **_

_**Alright, before I forget, I must apologize for not putting more funny parts with the babies in. I guess I got kind of sidetracked with the adults' relationships. On that note, I have to tell you that this IS still SasoDei and others but I'm fixing the pairings so they are as such: **_**SasoHida-DeiSaso-KakuHida-DeiTobi; KisaZet-ItaKisa-TobiZet-ItaKaku. **_**This should clear up any confusion you may have…I hope. Eventually, the kids will grow up again and they will all live happily ever after…So you may think…**_

_**While I'm thinking, the next chapter should have more baby stuff in it. Pasts are being revealed! And that was the whole purpose of this story but then I got sidetracked with the introductions. I think the story is going nicely now. So, I wish that you would drop a note on what you think of how the story's going currently. It would be mucho appreciated. (I no know Spanish…) Please and thank you! **_


	8. One Foot In Front Of the Other Zetsu

**S-Class **_**Babies?!**_

**Previously:**

**I like Tobi and I feel like an asshole thinking about Sasori the way I am. It's odd for me to admit it – even in my head – but I'm starting to think about Sasori a little differently than I had been when I was talking to Kisame.**

**--**

"**Sasori-san, Kakuzu's being WEIRD, un!"**

"**Hi, Sasori. I'm fixing something, see?"**

**I nod and force a smile on my face. "Yeah, I can see that. You're doing an awesome job, Kakuzu."**

**Kakuzu stops stitching the pillow and he stares at it blankly. "My mom and dad thought I looked funny when I first found this jutsu. I think I scared them. But look what I can do with my strings! They never knew what I'm capable of. I could've fixed them, too…" He sighs and then turns to face me. "My mom and dad went away for awhile and when they came back, they weren't the same. Not like what I can do but worse. They weren't fixed and it was too late for me to do anything for them. I wonder if they're still alive or if they're still waiting to die. I hate those doctors who say that they fixed them!" **

"**But, Kakuzu, they're not like the rest of us. They're jutsus are only adequate compared to ours. If they knew what we could do, they would have let you fix them. And I'm sure they would have appreciated your help, had they had the choice," I tell him, putting one hand on his knee.**

**--**

"**Well, judging by the weird fast-paced pounding in my chest, I'm assuming that I currently like you."**

"**My stomach keeps doing weird things to me so I'm assuming that I like you, too, though."**

**--**

**Finally, I hesitantly close the space between us and wrap my arms around his waist as he reluctantly lets go of my hand. His muscles tense at the feeling of my jaw against his chest. "And second, you can't die. Even if you could, I wouldn't let you." We stand there for a minute, just like that. His arms hang limply at his sides while I keep my arms tight around his torso, trying to tell him that I'd be right here until he was fine again.**

"**Sasori, can I ask you something?" I turn back to look at him cautiously. "You can feel, can't you? You can feel emotions and you can feel my touch." As if to prove his point, he lets go of my hand and puts it on my shoulder. **

"**Either way, if you believe that emotions come from the brain or the heart…I have both. So between the two, I must have emotions somewhere, right?" **

"**Are you scared of what I can do?" Slowly, hesitantly, he takes his other hand and places it on my left shoulder. He starts sliding that hand down my arm until it reaches my wrist. I watch his movement carefully. He slips his hand under mine. "Be careful. I don't want you to get burned."**

"**I won't die," he reminds me with a snort. I turn my head to face him.**

"**But you can get hurt and I don't want that," I tell him firmly. He looks at me, eyes wide in surprise. "So…Just be careful…" I whisper, directing my gaze back to the flickering flames. **

"**I will, I promise," he mumbles, staring at the fire again.**

"**I would never willingly show you any of my weapons unless I'm defending." **

**Hidan turns his head to look at me, his eyes bright in the dim light. "You seem more human than you have ever seemed to me before." Abruptly, he takes his hand that's under my hand and wraps it around my waist, pulling me close to him. He takes his other hand that was resting on my shoulder and tucks it behind my head. He tilts his head down and I feel my lips part in anticipation. Our lips touch and I move my free hand to the back of his head, eager to feel even more human.**

**Hidan takes my hand after I close the door. I adjust my sight and glance around, stopping suddenly. He tugs on my hand urgently but I don't move. I twist my head around a few times, startled. "What? I can't see anything. Where are we? What's wrong?" he whispers quickly.**

**I turn my head back to look at him with wide eyes. My heart is pounding rapidly again in my cylinder as I murmur, "We're in Pein's room."**

--

**8: One Foot In Front Of the Other – Zetsu**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or characters thereof because they belong to Masashi Kishimoto!**

_**A/N: I am glad that you guys like this story so far. I am enjoying it myself, too. Sorry about the previous thing, I figured that it would build up the suspense a bit. Also, I looked up a bit of info on Itachi and Deidara so I wouldn't totally botch their pasts. If I make too many mistakes, I apologize in advance. However, I will probably tweak a few things for the benefit of this story so bear with me here. **_

_**Please and thank-you. : )**_

--

_I am thoroughly confused at this point – oh, and completely exhausted. Yesterday, Sasori fell into a hole in his room after something exploded and then Hidan fell in and then they walked out of PEIN'S room. I was seriously freaked out. And not only by this fact but also because Sasori was practically clinging to Hidan as they walked out and I felt that stupid spark of jealousy and it pisses me off. _

_Well, thinking back on yesterday…While they were down in the basement that we didn't know we had, Tobi and Deidara wreaked havoc that we are still cleaning up today. It was Kisame and I against four hell spawn toddlers and their devious minds. It was hard to keep an eye on all four of them while they talked about what evil thing they were going to do next. While Sasori and Hidan were in the basement, Kakuzu kicked Kisame in the crotch – keeping him down for a few minutes – while Itachi went to the kitchen in search of the candy that Hidan had hid last night, Tobi almost broke his leg because he was crawling around in spaces that were barely big enough for him, and Deidara managed to unlock the back door and lead the other three out into the rain where they played in the mud. _

_This doesn't seem that bad, though, right? Well, they all came running inside and they started climbing all over things and then Tobi pooped. It was a major "dot, dot, dot" moment because he announced it and then Deidara pulled down his pants, undid his diaper and confirmed it. And then he threw the diaper at a wall where it splattered and stuck. I'm not kidding, the diaper STUCK! Tobi then stepped out of his pants and ran away. He sat on Hidan's bed. Deidara followed him with a "mud pie" and proceeded to finger-paint all over the walls with the mud. _

_That is what we are currently cleaning up._

--

I sit in the bathroom with Sasori while I dry off Tobi. Sasori's trying to get Deidara to get into the bath but he's throwing a giant fit about it. I rub Tobi's head with a towel half-heartedly, watching Sasori and Deidara's struggle while Tobi tries to grab my wrist saying, "Tobi can do it himself!"

"Why won't you get into the bath, Deidara? What's wrong?" Sasori finally asks, getting down to his level. "Please tell me…" They stare silently at each other for a moment before Deidara bursts into tears. Sasori falls backward, startled. "What?"

"I don't want you to see me, un!" he sobs, rubbing his eyes and gasping heavily. "You'll get scared or you'll get mad at me and hurt me… Others have done it, un. My mommy didn't like me when she saw me naked. She called me a freak and ran away, un!" Sasori gasps quietly and then crawls over to Deidara, wrapping his arms carefully around him. "I don't want you to see me…"

Sasori lets Deidara cry into his shoulder for a moment while Tobi and I stare at them. I gave up getting Tobi dry and he just stops caring. "Poor Dei-kun…" Tobi mutters sadly and I glance at him, a bit surprised but I not really sure why.

"Deidara, you're far from scary – believe it or not. And why would I get mad at you? Are you hiding something?" Sasori asks the little blonde boy kindly. Honestly, I don't think I've ever heard him sound so damn compassionate in the entire time that I've known him. He really does care about Deidara and I'm not sure if it's because he's a kid or if he'd care about him either way. Deidara shakes his head so Sasori gently grabs the hem of the little boy's shirt. "Alright then, I want you to please help me get your clothes off so you can have a bath. You'll feel better."

Deidara looks like he's about to cry but does as he's told. He lifts his arms up and Sasori carefully slips his shirt off. Underneath the clothing, there's a straight line across his chest that's stitched up; symbols surround the strange feature. He whimpers and puts his arms down. Sasori purposefully pretends not to notice the mark as he takes the boy's pants and diaper off. "Sasori-san…?" He looks up indifferently. "It doesn't bother you, un?"

"I've seen far stranger things," he tells him with a smile. "Give me a sec to get my cloak off so it won't get wet and then you can get in." I wonder if he's doing it to make Deidara feel better or if that's his real intention. He unsnaps his cloak and slips out of it, showing off his odd body features – including and not limited to a heart preserved in a cylinder marked with a symbol meaning "Scorpion" and a strange cord where you'd expect to see his stomach. It makes me wonder if he really has a stomach and if he just moved it to a different place. "Ready?"

Deidara stares at him with wide eyes for a moment before blushing and nodding. "Yep, now I am, un!" He grins and puts his arms up, letting Sasori pick him up and put him in the bath.

Tobi watches them curiously. "Dei-kun, you look really cool like that," he comments suddenly, making everyone in the cramped space look at him oddly. "What's on your chest?"

"That's my other mouth, un," he murmurs, letting Sasori dump water on his head. "Ah!" he giggles happily. "My daddy told me to never let the stitches come undone or else I might go BANG!" He smiles up at Sasori who grins and splashes water in his face, making him laugh.

I wrap the towel around Tobi and pick him up. "I'm going to go get this demon dressed. See you in the bedroom," I tell Sasori who nods distractedly. I wander into the bedroom where I pull out a clean diaper and some clothes for Tobi. He watches me and swings his legs back and forth on the bed.

"Hey, Zetsu-san…?" he suddenly asks as I turn back to him. I playfully push him back and start putting his new diaper on. "Why does Dei-kun have another mouth on his chest?" I sit him up and put his shirt over his head.

"That's just who he is," I tell him, not really sure what to say. "Just like you have brown hair and pretty eyes because that's who you are." He stands up and puts his hands on my shoulders while I help him put his pants on. "And Itachi has black eyes because that's who he is – it's the same reasoning with why Kakuzu has his strings."

"Kakuzu looks funny – oh, but don't tell him Tobi said that. Tobi doesn't want to hurt his feelings," Tobi mutters, sitting down while I fold his towel. "It's just…Tobi's never seen anything like that and the way he was sewing that pillow up without touching the strings or the pillow kind of freaks him out. But Kakuzu's really nice and Tobi doesn't want to be mean." He looks up at me with his big auburn eyes. "So…Please don't tell him."

I stare at him for a moment and then nod. "No, I won't tell. Now come on. I'm going to drop off the towel in the bathroom and then we're going to go see how the others are doing." He nods and jumps off the bed, taking my hand and following me out of the room. We stop at the bathroom to see a soaked Sasori dragging a screaming Deidara out of the bathtub.

"No! I don't want to get out yet, un!" Deidara screeched, growling and thrashing. He smacks Sasori in the face and his head spins all the way around. Deidara suddenly stops screaming and just stares at the redhead. "Whoa…"

"You made me dizzy," Sasori whispers, not sounding threatening but more like stunned. "Deidara, please be careful. The last thing I want is for my head to suddenly fly off and hurt someone."

Deidara giggles and then quickly becomes serious when he sees how stern Sasori is. "Okay, Sasori-san. But how did you get your head to do that, un? I can't do it!" Sasori chuckles and takes the opportunity to wrap the little blonde in a towel.

"Of course you can't do it, Dei. But you can do other things that are just as cool, I'm sure," he reassures kindly. "As for how I did that? Well, that's a secret. Maybe you'll figure it out when you're older." Sasori stands up, proud that he got Deidara wrapped up. He glances over at me and grins, making my stomach flip. "Hey, guys. Wow, Tobi, you got dressed fast! And you look clean. Do you feel better?"

"Yep! Tobi's fingers squeak now. Listen!" Tobi starts rubbing his pointer finger and his thumb together. I don't hear anything but Deidara is fascinated. The little boy runs over and leans in by Tobi's fingers, listening. "Do you hear the squeak, Dei-kun?"

Deidara listens for another moment and then straightens up. "Yeah, that's so cool, un! Do you think my fingers will squeak if I rub them together?" Tobi shrugs so the blonde starts rubbing his two pointer fingers together. They listen and then they start squealing.

Sasori sighs and leans against the wall. "God, they're so tiring. I can't wait until they go to bed tonight." I nod, agreeing completely. "Come on, Dei. Let's get you dressed so you can go play with the others." Deidara looks up at him and grins, concurring hastily. Sasori picks up the little boy and tosses him in the air a little, catching him bridal style. Deidara laughs hysterically as Sasori runs to their room.

"Sasori's really nice to him," Tobi says softly. "He yelled at Itachi the other day because he bit Tobi. Anyway, Tobi has an idea for a game!" I look down at him oddly. "Everyone should play Capture!"

"We'll see…" I mutter, not really wanting to know what the game is. It sounds like it's going to give the adults hell. I walk into the living room and Kisame's sitting on the couch, watching Itachi run in circles. He glances up at me and then back down at the dark-haired boy. "How long has he been at that?" I ask.

Kisame's silent for a minute and then he murmurs, "I think it's been about ten minutes now. The boy has stamina. He's only run into the wall once." Itachi slows down until he finally comes to an abrupt halt. He stands there for a moment and then sits down heavily.

"Hey, Itachi-san…" Tobi starts, waddling over to him and sitting down in front of him. "Do you hate Tobi?"

"No," he replies simply. "But I don't like you as much as Kuzu-kun. You're really loud."

"If Tobi was quieter, would you like Tobi more?"

"Maybe…" Itachi looks down, swaying a little. "Hang on, Tobi. I feel really dizzy…"

"Running in circles is fun, huh?" Tobi asks, grinning. Itachi nods, grinning as well. "Do you think that playing Capture would be fun?"

"I haven't played that in a long time!" he cries happily. "That game is a lot of fun! Where are Kakuzu and Deidara? We have to get them to play with us…" Tobi shrugs and I try not to imagine what the game they were imagining was like. "Kisame, Zetsu, please go find Kakuzu and Deidara."

"Hey, hey," Kisame starts angrily. "You don't get to boss me around, short-stuff. They're probably getting dressed so they'll be out here soon enough." Itachi pouts, sticking out his tongue at him. He returns the gesture.

"TOBI!" Deidara cries, pouncing on the young boy happily. "Have you thought of a fun game for us to play, un? I mean, it's okay if you haven't – we'll just have to play tag again…"

"Ugh, no. No more tag. Tobi decided that it would be fun to play Capture!" Tobi tells him, wiggling around until Deidara lets him go. He then proceeds to throw his arms around him happily. "Does that sound fun, Dei-Dei?"

"Dei-Dei?" Sasori inquires, glancing at me as if I knew the answer. I just shrug. "It's okay. I'm sure I probably don't want to know anyway…"

"That sounds like lots of fun, un!" Tobi giggles and mutters something about a rhyme. "What would the teams be?"

"Well, obviously, the growed-ups against the kids," he says matter-of-factly. Deidara smacks him lightly. "Ow. What was that for?!"

"Don't talk to me like I'm stupid, un," the blonde says, his voice grumpy. "I don't like it." Tobi mutters an apology and I exchange an incredulous look with Sasori. While Tobi has his arms down, Deidara takes the chance to give him a big hug. "Thank-you…" They smile at each other and then the blonde gives him a kiss on the cheek. I almost pass out and I'm pretty sure Sasori's right up there with me.

"Did I hear something about Capture?" Kakuzu cries, bouncing over to the other little brats. Itachi nods, suddenly happy. "Can I play?"

"Of course. We're going to need all of us for this, un," Deidara declares, his voice sounding pretty much like he's in control. "Okay, I'll go over the rules really fast because it looks like the growed-ups don't know how to play Capture. So the growed-ups will be it and Kisame's bed will be jail, un." Kisame is not amused. "Really, you give us a long second head-start and then we all go hide and then after that you have to find us and catch us and put us in jail."

"This sounds way more difficult than I think I should be…" Kisame mutters, already sounding worn out.

"Start counting!" Itachi cries. "Just so you know, we can't go outside because that's out of bounds…COUNT!" We all start muttering the numbers and close our eyes, hearing the brats all scatter.

"I am extremely stressed out and we haven't even started looking," I say with a sigh. The other three agree tiredly. We finish at twenty and call out a warning. "I'll take the back bedrooms; Hidan should take the kitchen and bathrooms; Sasori and Kisame everywhere else." They all nod in agreement and we split up, going to our designated places. I hurry to the back bedrooms and start with Sasori and Deidara's old room – the one that Deidara had blown up before being turned into a baby. I check virtually everywhere and don't even catch a glimpse of them.

The next room is Hidan and Kakuzu's. I start by looking under the beds but don't see any of them. Suddenly I hear a scream and then one of the brats start crying. I guess whoever it is isn't a very good hider. After searching the room, I move onto Kisame and Itachi's room. Again, I find nothing. I look in my room but don't find anyone either. I go to the living room to see Sasori and Hidan in there talking and scratching their heads. "Didn't find them?" Sasori asks when he notices me. He turns his head to look at me and I shake my head. "Damn. Kisame found Tobi but that's it."

"I looked through those rooms over and over," I tell him, shaking my head again in aggravation this time. "We should have never agreed to this…" Suddenly we all hear giggling and we look at each other. After a moment, we hear the giggling again and Hidan smiles, walking over to the couch. He climbs on it and leans over it. A brief moment later, he turns to look at us, puzzled. "What?"

"They aren't in here…" he murmurs and we all run off in different directions, looking for the babies. Not moments after we had split, I hear, "FUCK!!" from down the hall. I sigh and run in that direction. Sasori's already there, smacking him upside the head. And their in Hidan's room so I inwardly laugh.

"What's wrong?" he asks, looking both concerned and angry. I walk up, waiting for his answer as well.

"He just shot past my legs and into the closet and I can't see him!" Sasori and I exchange a confused look before he climbs into the closet. Hidan and I watch, a bit concerned.

"Hey…Ouch!" we hear from inside. "Deidara…What the…? He turned around and vanished! I need Hidan's clothes moved and then I need matches so I can see…" he demands, not bothering to come out. Hidan moves his clothes and I hurry to retrieve the matches. I hand over the matches and soon the closet is illuminated. "Dude…they made a hole in the back of your closet, Hidan." Said man lets out a frustrated cry.

"Na-na!" Deidara laughs from inside the supposed hole. Sasori lunges and we hear several crashes before Deidara runs out screaming. I wrap my arms around him before he can get too far. "LET GO, UN!!" He takes a deep breath and then screams in my ear. I only hold on tighter. "You're no fun, Zetsu."

"I'm taking this one to jail and I'll switch shifts with Kisame," I tell them and walk out of the room with a thrashing blonde boy in my arms. I get to Kisame's room and put him on the bed. "Your turn." I look at Kisame. He sighs and slouches out of the room. I turn to the two kids on the bed – Deidara and Tobi. An interesting mix, if you ask me. They stare back at me, their eyes wide. "What?"

"Will you please let us off, un?" Deidara asks, his voice borderline whiny but soft enough that it sounds innocent.

"No. We're two kids away from winning this game and I'm not going to ruin it by letting you guys go," I snap, not letting their stares affect me.

"But you'll never find Itachi. He is the best at hiding!" Tobi declares happily. "You'll end up giving up and then all the kids will win!" He grins and giggles happily. "So there!" I just roll my eyes.

"You've obviously forgotten how vicious Hidan can get," I mutter grudgingly. "And how badly he has it out for Kakuzu."

"Zetsu, we have no idea what you're talking about, un," Deidara points out. "Are you trying to tell us stories of 'the good old days'?" I just stare at him. Finally giving up on getting a response out of me, he shrugs and turns to Tobi. "Do you think they'll come soon, un?"

"Knowing Kakuzu, he'll probably draw it out awhile…" Tobi responds almost sadly. "Maybe you and Tobi should tell Zetsu stories so he doesn't get bored!"

"Tobi, that's a great idea, un!" the blonde exclaims and hugs the other. When he pulls away, he gives him _a peck on the lips._

"Don't do that," I growl.

"Why not?" Tobi asks, looking up at me. "Growed-ups can, can't they?"

"Yeah, growed-ups, I mean, adults can but you're not adults," I inform them, a little upset by how their baby talk is rubbing off on me.

"But…That's not fair, un!" Deidara cries unhappily. I give him a look that says, "Suck it up." He looks away, angry. "You're not the boss of me! I can do whatever I want, un!"

"I can go tell Sasori," I remind him smugly and he whips his head around to look at me.

"But you wouldn't…right, un?!" he asks me frantically and I shrug. "I'll be good! Just don't tell Sasori-san, un!"

"We'll see…" I murmur, happy that I seem to have gotten him under control to a point.

"I demand that you put me down RIGHT NOW!!!" Kakuzu screams, flailing his arms and legs and successfully kicking Sasori in the crotch. He throws the brat onto the bed before collapsing on the ground, cupping his crotch in agony. "Serves you right," the dark haired boy mutters, crossing his arms over his chest and sitting down stubbornly.

"Little piece of…" Sasori starts but is cut off by Hidan who walks up behind him.

"Watch your language – lest you want a smack upside the head," he reminds him smugly.

"Shut up…" he whispers through clenched teeth, words in another language thrown in there somewhere.

"You…You got captured, too, un?" Deidara breathes, horrified.

Kakuzu nods solemnly. "Now it's only Itachi left. He's our only hope…" They all lean over the sides of the bed and dangle one of their hands over. Suddenly a small hand reaches out from under the bed and touches Tobi's hand first and then Deidara's. They jump off, followed by Kakuzu, and scatter.

"HEY, HEY, HEY!!" Hidan screams, furious. "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"Didn't we tell you?" Kakuzu asks sweetly. "We can tag each other if we're off jail and get the others off. So Itachi touched us so we can get off now. Ha-ha!" He ducks through Hidan's legs and runs from the room. The others are quick to follow. All of us scream in aggravation.

"WHEN WILL THIS FUCKING END!!" Hidan screeches and Sasori hit his shin. "What the hell?!"

"You swore," the redhead explains with a chuckle. "I guess I'll stay here on guard for when you find one of them. I still can't move."

"He _is_ very good at kicking," Hidan mutters and leaves. I follow him out, shaking my head and rolling my eyes.

--

An hour later…

--

"Blah-blah!" Itachi mocks, sitting on top of the shelf unit in Kisame's room.

"Wow…" Kakuzu whispers with a blush.

"You _do _like Itachi, don't you, un?!" Deidara exclaims happily, much to the two's dismay. "They've got the cooties!"

"So do you and Tobi!" Itachi retorts, pointing at them and swinging is legs.

"No we don't, un!" the blonde cries, blushing deeply.

"Your smarts are messed up," Kakuzu tells him, looking angry.

"Don't be mean to Dei-Dei!" Tobi screeches, furious.

We, the adults, look at each other with looks that all basically translate to: "Oh my fucking God, you have _got _to be kidding me." Sasori takes a deep breath and walks over to the bookshelf, picking up Itachi and setting him on the bed. "We win," he states bluntly. They all stare up at him, more or less shocked.

"This is all your fault, Deidara," Itachi says and points at the blonde.

"It is not! It's all _your _fault, un!" he retorts, fuming. "If you hadn't gotten distracted…"

"Well, you can't rely on me for protection forever!" the black-haired boy cried and after stuttering for a moment, Deidara bursts into tears.

"Naptime," I say and the other three adults agree. I go to pick up Tobi but he _growls _at me and hugs Deidara! Sasori lets out a frustrated cry and hits his head on the doorframe.

"Ouch…"

--

"I'm going to go take a nap now…" Hidan mutters happily as we shut the door to the room where all the brats are sleeping. Sasori nods.

"As am I," he whispers. "Wake us up if the demons don't, okay?" I nod, a little confused, as he and Hidan walk to Hidan's room. Kisame walks up to me and smiles in that knowing way. And I know what he's getting at without him having to say a word. I turn my eyes to the ground dejectedly.

"Well, I doubt it'll last anyway," Kisame tells me cheerfully. "I mean, once Sasori sees Deidara as an adult again, he'll probably fall head over heals for him again." I look up at him, not really understanding. "Oh, I guess you didn't see that? Deidara was all over him. Sasori liked him – to an extent – but I guess not enough. You don't really know what you have until you don't have it anymore, you know."

"Yeah, I know," I murmur, glancing down the hall one last time before going to the living room.

"You know…We don't have to let them get to us. We can shove it right back into their faces…" We reached the living room and he grabbed my arm. I turn, a mix of fury and curiosity bubbling inside of me.

"How?" And that's when he crashed his lips into mine.

--

_**A/N: I feel bad because this chapter isn't as long as the last one – that last monstrous one – and I also don't like the way it turned out. I got kind of bored and when I tried to force myself to make it funny, it didn't work! D: So, this is the result of my horrible writer's block. But I liked the ending line. Even if their relationship is a bit rushed since the last story in Zetsu's POV mentioned that he was all over Sasori…In any case, I finished the chapter. Hurray! **_

_**I hope you liked it even though I think it's a crummy chapter. Please review anyway?**_


	9. Is It Okay To Be Scared Now? Kisame

**9: Is It Okay To Be Scared Now? – Kisame**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or characters thereof because they belong to Masashi Kishimoto!**

_**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to all of my faithful readers and reviewers who harass me constantly about updating this story. IS IT REALLY THAT GOOD?! IS IT SO GOOD THAT YOU HAVE TO CAUSE ME TO HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN?!?! Okay, sorry about that… I do appreciate your faithfulness. It keeps me going and without you, I'd probably have abandoned this story already. And that's why this chapter's dedicated to you. I tried to keep all the adults' relationships on low profile for this chapter so the kids can wreak havoc and make you laugh. **_

_**This chapter is to really pull out all the humor this story was intended to have and present it to you in MASS FORM. I hope you'll like it. **_

--

_I wasn't sure what I expected from Zetsu after I kissed him but…Well, I guess I wasn't really expecting him to KISS BACK! It was completely __**un**__expected. I don't think I'd even thought about him liking me. It was probably just hope… That aside, however, it's been two days since the game of Capture and we've discovered that chaos comes in several different forms. Such as: _

_-Laughing fits_

_-Midnight snacking_

_-Make-out sessions that take place during nap times but are interrupted by brats who start screaming that it's not fair that we can kiss but they can't_

_-Nightmares_

_-Things under your bed_

_-Exploding clay_

_-Puppets (Insert horrified scream)_

_-Cucumbers (Don't even think about asking about it…)_

_-And, my personal favorite, eye poking._

--

"OW!!" I scream, jumping from my bed and almost knocking Itachi off. He giggles hysterically as I covered the left side of my face in agony. "You almost poked my eye out and that's not funny, Itachi!"

"It is so funny!" he informs me with another giggle. "You should have seen the look on your face when you opened your eyes!" He falls backward, laughing loudly.

"Time-out, Itachi! You don't hurt people on purpose!" I cry, picking him up and sliding open my door. I carry him to the living room where I stick him in the time-out corner. He sits there, pouting. Suddenly, he must realize that it's not that funny. I take a seat on the couch, yawning as I stare at him to make sure he doesn't run off like he did the last time I put him on time-out. The four corners of the room were for each little brat – left/front: Itachi; left/back: Tobi; right/front: Deidara; and right/back: Kakuzu. Kakuzu's time-out is right behind the door so someone always has to watch to make sure he doesn't escape.

"I'm sorry," Itachi tells me, looking rather bored. I shake my head. He does this to get out of time-out ever time he's stuck there. "But I really am…"

"Quiet, Itachi; you're on time-out," I remind him just as Sasori walks out, glancing at Itachi with glazed eyes before putting Deidara in his time-out corner. "What'd he do this time?" I ask – sometimes it feels like a prison in here…

"He threatened me," he answers dully, sitting down next to me. I raise an eyebrow in question. "He threatened to blow up my head if I didn't get up to make him something to eat. And that's why he's on time-out. A double-diss here, he still doesn't get breakfast."

I almost laugh except I'm too tired to even think about it. And my eye was really hurting. "That's nice," I mumble and rest my head on the armrest. I am much too tired to laugh.

"Yeah, I know," Sasori mutters, curling up on the other side of the couch. I stare at Itachi who's staring back almost smugly. "What are you looking at, Deidara?"

"You," he answers, sounding happy. "Night-night, guys, un…"

--

I sit bolt right up and look around the room. Kisame's gone. Deidara's gone. Sasori's still asleep. "Shit," I mutter, glad that Sasori's not exactly awake enough to hit me. I shake him until he gasps and falls off the couch. He glares daggers up at me. "We fell asleep and both the brats are gone." Now completely alert, he looks around the room, too, confirming what I already knew.

"Oh fucking, Goddamn, shit…" Sasori hisses, getting up off the floor. I don't bother to hit him and he doesn't hit himself either. Instead, we both hurry to go find the little kids.

"Oh, Deidara, that's sick…" one of the brats cry and I look at Sasori, eyes wide.

"STOP IT, DEIDARA!!"

"I CAN'T!!"

"Maybe if you hurt that hand, it'll let go of the other…"

"OOOOOOWWWW!!! IT BIT THE OTHER'S TONGUE, UN!!!"

"OH MY GOD!! Do you taste blood, Dei-Dei?!"

"IT'S NOT MY REAL MOUTH, TOBI!!!"

"I'm sure he knows that; he's just worried. Calm down…"

"HOW CAN I STAY CALM WHEN I CAN'T PULL MY HANDS APART, UN?! OH MY GOD! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EAT! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO GO TO THE POTTY, UN!! _I'M GOING TO DIE!!!!" _We run down the hall to find all four of the kids sitting in the middle of the bathroom floor. Deidara looks up at us and then jumps up. "Sasori-san! I started to clap my hands and the mouths on them started kissing and then they put their tongues in and I couldn't pull my hands apart so Kakuzu said that I should hurt my right hand so it would let go of my left hand but it bit its tongue and now I think I'm bleeding, un!! I'm going to die, aren't I?"

"You're not going to die…" But he glances at me, eyes wide.

"Jeez…His mouths are more mature than he is," I mutter and I almost think that Sasori's going to hit me. "Well, they are!"

"Apparently, they didn't de-grow. I mean, they didn't de-age. I mean…I don't know what I mean! Kisame, his hands are stuck together and he's bleeding!! What the hell do I do about that?!" he cries, slapping my hands onto my shoulders and shaking me a bit.

I rest one hand on his chest and then shove him back. "We have to get the other hand to let go…"

"That doesn't sound fun…" Itachi mumbles. "I feel for you, Deidara." Said boy breaks down crying and I send the mini-man a death glare.

"What about prying the hands apart enough that we can get some lemon juice in there?" Sasori asks frantically. "No, that makes them pucker and it'll hurt more anyway… Um… Oh, God. I think I'm having a breakdown…" As if to prove his point, he collapses on the ground and buries his face in his hands. "This isn't fair. Older Deidara would know what to do – no, he wouldn't have even gotten himself into this mess. And I'm sure that Tobi would have a bright idea if he could actually think…"

"Tobi's a good boy."

"OUCH!!! Sasori-san, please do something, un! It's just biting harder and it hurts!!" Deidara cries, shaking his hands in front of Sasori's face.

"Come here, Deidara," I command calmly and he walks over as I crouch down. I pry my pointer finger between his small hands and then wiggle it into his right hand's mouth, wincing at how wrong it feels. But, just as I'd thought, the mouth opened and let go of his left hand's tongue – just to bite down on my finger. I let out a hiss of both pain and nausea. It felt so wrong because it wasn't just biting it was _sucking_. The mouths on his hands were _dirty_!

"Oh no! I'm so sorry, Kisame-san! Now it's biting _you_, un!" the little blonde screeches but then remembers his other hand. "Oh, it's spitting blood!!"

"Ew…" Tobi mutters and then covers it with, "Tobi's a good boy."

"Okay…Now I just have to get my finger out…" I murmur, stupidly trying the pain method. "Hey, Sasori, do you think you could tend to his left hand's tongue? Sasori?" I think I hear him crying but I know better because he doesn't have tears. "Oh fuck-shit-damn…" I stop myself before I come up with too many swear words. Now I have to take care of Deidara's bleeding tongue and get my finger out of his other mouth because it's growing extremely painful and uncomfortable.

"Why the fuck is everyone in the bathroom?" Hidan asks groggily from behind me.

"Because we were all planning to go get cupcakes and Deidara started clapping his hands together but they started kissing and then their tongues went into their mouths and then he couldn't pull his hands apart and so Kakuzu said that he should hurt his right hand so it would let go of his left hand but it bit its tongue and then Sasori thought he was having a breakdown and then Kisame stuck his finger in Deidara's left hand mouth and now it won't let go…" Tobi informs him rapidly, taking a deep breath when he's finished.

"Sasori, you're having a breakdown?!" Hidan cries.

"HELLO?! MY FINGER'S GETTING…AUGH!!" I scream but he's already sprinting over to Sasori.

"I just don't know what to do anymore…I just…I just want to give up," the redhead sobs, burying his face in Hidan's chest.

"What's going on? Why is everyone in the bathroom?" Zetsu questions and I look at Tobi expectantly.

He takes a deep breath and then repeats, "Because we were all planning to go get cupcakes and Deidara started clapping his hands together but they started kissing and then their tongues went into their mouths and then he couldn't pull his hands apart and so Kakuzu said that he should hurt his right hand so it would let go of his left hand but it bit its tongue and then Sasori thought he was having a breakdown and then Kisame stuck his finger in Deidara's left hand mouth and now it won't let go…"

"Oh my God, Kisame!" Zetsu shouts, kneeling down next to me.

"DOES ANYONE CARE THAT MY LEFT HAND MOUTH'S TONGUE IS BLEEDING, UN?!"

"No, no one does, Deidara," Itachi whispers and the blonde starts scream-crying.

"Tobi cares!"

"IT WON'T LET GO, DAMN IT!"

"Do you think butter would work in this situation?"

"I mean, I'm always running around and it feels like I'm taking care of everyone constantly."

"Do we even _have _cupcakes?"

"It's okay, I understand…"

"Butter? Seriously? Well, maybe if you put a lot of it in, it'd puke it up…"

"I'M GUNNA DIE, UN!!!"

"TOBI DOESN'T WANT YOU TO DIE!"

"Do you really want to be cleaning up vomit?"

"You're right. I'm totally overreacting. Everything is _fine._"

"Yeah, everything really is. You're just really stressed…"

"I don't think we have any cupcakes, actually. Do you know how to spell dog, Itachi-kun?"

"Um…Let's think. Maybe we can just hit it?"

"I wish I had tears!"

"I think it starts with a b…"

"IT HASN'T STOPPED BLEEDING, UN!! WHAT'S GUNNA HAPPEN TO ME?! AM I GUNNA TURN TO A BLODDY MUSH, UN?!"

"Deidara already tried that. It didn't work."

"You don't need tears, okay?"

"Please stop, Dei-Dei! Tobi's gunna be sick…"

"Let's just tug, okay? If your finger ends up all bloody…well, we have bandages for that…Oh, God…Deidara!"

"You just don't get it, Hidan!"

"Really? So it would be b…o…g?"

"Yeah, I think so…"

"WELL, I'M TRYING TO GET IT!"

"IT HURTS!!!"

"OUCH!!" I scream, pulling my bloody finger out of Deidara's right hand mouth to which Tobi screams at, ending any other chaos. "Okay, I'm going to get a bandage for Deidara's mouth – someone find something for my finger, damn it!"

Sasori sniffs and gets up. "You know what? I don't care! Zetsu, go get Kisame's finger wrapped up. I'll find a bandage for Deidara…Hidan, watch the other three brats and make sure they don't run away." With this, he sprints from the bathroom.

"I'm sorry, Kisame-san…" Deidara whimpers as I stand up.

"You didn't mean to – at least I hope you didn't – so it's okay…" I tell him as Zetsu takes me to the kitchen to find a small bandage for my finger. It hurts so badly I actually start to consider cutting it off and then just wrapping up the stub but realize that it would be even more painful. "So, the mouths on Deidara's hands are more mature than he is," I inform the man in front of me conversationally as he wraps my finger.

"I kind of figured that out when Tobi told me that his hands were making-out…" Zetsu mumbles, finishing up and then looking at me. "Do you think that maybe their growing up slowly instead of at once?" I look at him questioningly. "I mean, his mouths are more mature right now…maybe it's going body part by body part…?"

I burst out laughing. I didn't mean to but the image was just too funny. "Do you realize how insane that sounds? They'd be walking around like apes and I don't think it's possible anyway. I think maybe it's because the hands don't actually have brains they weren't really affected by the change."

"At that point, there must still be a part of Deidara's brain that's still twenty-something," he reminds me and we suddenly go very quiet while we think about that. "That is…gross…"

"Well, when you have mouths on you hands, you might as well train them for several things instead of just one," I say with a shiver and he just grunts, sounding disgusted. "We better go make sure that Hidan's not being killed…" And with that, we sprint out of the kitchen and back to the bathroom.

"HELP ME!!" the silver-haired man cries when he sees us. Sadly, we're too busy laughing when we see the scene before us. Hidan's pinned down by Kakuzu and Itachi while Deidara and Tobi are tickling him madly.

"Hey, guys, Kisame-san and Zetsu-san are back!" Kakuzu hisses and they all jump off of Hidan who sits up, breathing heavily.

"Thanks a lot! I thought I was going to die! They just kept tickling me and…"

"Did you just say _tickle_ with a straight face?" I ask, sending Zetsu and I into another laughing fit.

"YOU'RE BOTH DEAD!" he screams and lunges at us. We let out yelps as we're tackled and proceed to try and get him off of us to no avail – until we see Sasori standing over us.

"Hidan…" he starts after a moment, just staring down at the man on top of us. "I thought we decided that you were always on bottom…" It's dead quiet for a minute and then Zetsu and I start laughing again when it sinks in for Hidan and he starts blushing.

"You know what? Just shut-up – all of you!" he screeches, climbing off of us. We can't stop laughing though, only pissing him off more. Sasori steps over us and makes his way to Deidara where he eases the wounded tongue out so he can wrap it.

"That's actually pretty deep…" he murmurs, trying to keep the little blonde calm while he wraps the wound. Finally able to stop laughing, Zetsu gets up and goes to help Sasori keep the crying child quiet and calm. I sit up, staring smugly at Hidan.

"So…"

"Don't even finish that thought, asshole."

--

"Can we go outside?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Why not, un?"

"Because I'm the adult and I say no."

I stare down at the little kids who stare back at me with pouts on their faces. "You're mean, Kisame-san…" Tobi informs me and I just roll my eyes. "Can we color?"

"Why not?" I get up and they all follow me into the kitchen. I look in the coloring cabinet and pull out all of the coloring utensils and some paper. They sit down at the table and gaze up at me expectantly as I put all of the things down in front of them. "Have at – but no coloring on yourselves, table, or each other." They nod and dive for the crayons, talking rapidly about what they're going to draw.

"BOO!!" Zetsu cries from behind me and, despite myself, I jump. He starts laughing hysterically so I push him over. "OW!"

"That's what you get for making me feel stupid," I tell him and turn around to make sure the kids are still being good. Surprisingly, they are.

"You know what I want to know…?" Zetsu asks, walking up next to me. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. "I wonder if they're still going to like each other when they're older. Like, if Tobi and Deidara will date and same with Itachi and Kakuzu. Don't you think it'd be really weird?"

"It'd defy logic," I agree, watching as Deidara offers to help Tobi with an arm – which is probably just a line – and he accepts his offer. "Though, I don't think it'd be too hard to imagine if we took that minute. I mean, I never thought that this would happen and yet…there are four little babies sitting here in front of my eyes. It's pretty freaky, actually."

"Yeah, you're right. Wait, you actually wondered if this could happen?" he asks, looking horrified.

"No! And don't even start to think that I had anything to do with this!" I shout. He doesn't look amused.

"Well I wasn't really. _Did _you have anything to do with it?" At this point, the little kids seem intrigued and have turned around to watch us.

"_No! _I don't even know how you could consider that!"

"You implied it!"

I'm quiet for a minute and then I mutter, "I'm so stressed out…"

"So am I. I'm sorry for suggesting that about you…" he murmurs, looking apologetic. Now having lost interest, the kids go back to drawing.

"Yeah, I'm sorry for yelling at you…" I tell him and we hug.

"Does that mean they have the cooties, too?" Deidara asks the others quietly.

"The cooties must be very contagious because I saw Hidan-san and Sasori-san kiss yesterday," Kakuzu says softly and matter-of-factly.

"They must be _very…_um, whatever you said they were," Tobi agrees, sounding confused.

I sigh and sink to the floor. It's been almost a month and they're still kids. When would they just grow up?! What if they didn't? What if they were kids forever? I feel my jaw drop in horror at the thought. That can't be a possibility. I will gladly kill myself if it ends up being even slightly possible. Still…There's only one thing that I _don't _understand and I _want _explained: How did they get turned into babies to begin with?

Suddenly, paint's splashed into my face and I cringe. "Okay, who did that?! Do I have to take away your coloring stuff, too?!" I scream, wiping away most of the paint with my sleeve.

"NO!!" They all cry at the exact same time.

"Are they harassing you guys again?" Sasori inquires, walking into the kitchen.

"Maybe…Where have you two been for the last half hour?" I accuse, standing up and facing him.

"We…Well…Um…" Sasori stutters pathetically. "Is that paint on your face?"

"Answer my question," I snap, not to be distracted.

He sighs in defeat. "Okay, fine…We were making-out, alright?"

My jaw drops. "Oh my God…" I shiver – not at the thought of _them _making-out but at the thought of what caused it to last for a full half hour.

"Humph," Sasori huffs, crossing his arms over his chest and looking like he was trying to come up with a satisfying retort. "What about you and Zetsu last night? I seem to remember the bathroom being occupied for a full hour!"

"Yeah, but you know what was going on!" I remind him with a blush. "How do you get a make-out session to last a half hour?"

"Carefully, that's how," he says, ending the argument. "What are they doing?"

I turn around and make sure that they aren't doing anything troublesome. "Coloring," I reply simply, satisfied by the relatively calm scene before me – until a crayon flies through the kitchen and hits Hidan in the head. I then realize that they've only been taking a break and now they're planning on wreaking _more _havoc.

"Little…brats…" Hidan hisses, fuming.

"Sorry, Hidan-san! Tobi didn't mean to!" Tobi cries, looking over his shoulder at us. "It slipped." I sigh, shaking my head in annoyance. This whole experience sucks. And I am starting to wonder why Pein and Konan haven't come back yet. Did they know that we were still having trouble with the little kids and so they were extending their vacation? Whatever the reason, it was starting to piss me off.

"It doesn't just slip and sail across the room to hit someone in the head!" Hidan screams, making the little kids cringe.

"Hidan, don't yell at them. I'm sure Tobi didn't mean to hit you. He was probably trying to hit Kisame," Sasori says calmly, resting a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder.

"Why? I didn't do anything," I remind him, getting really pissed off really fast.

"Because you're being mean to me," he answers and all the little brats gasp. Oh, he didn't just do that do me… They all get out of their seats and tackle me to the ground where they proceed to tickle me.

"ASSHOLE!!" I scream and he kicks my head in amusement. I am sure that he enjoys his job more than the rest of us – the Curse-Word Cop. I quickly start to run out of breath from laughing so hard while Zetsu tries to get all the brats off. Every time he gets one off, though, and goes to get another, the first climbs back on. It must be frustrating. For me, it's annoying.

"I think that's how I'm going to punish you guys every time you do something I don't like…" Sasori mutters and I see Hidan's eyes widen from above me. My sides are aching and I need to be able to breathe again but he's not stopping them! "Try saying the magic word," he suggests and I give him my best puzzled look while laughing hysterically. "Uncle."

"UNCLE!" I scream and they all stop tickling me, climbing off. "Why uncle?" I ask while trying to catch my breath.

He shrugs. "Because it sounds like they're sounding ankle and it's funny to make you say it." I shake my head in disbelief, slowly regaining my breath.

"Couldn't you have given them any word and called it the magic word at that point?" Zetsu asks and he shrugs again.

Suddenly, Deidara starts laughing hysterically and we look over to see Tobi tickling him. "Uncle, Tobi, uncle, un!" he cries and Tobi steps back, grinning.

"It really does sound like they're saying ankle…" Hidan mutters in disbelief.

--

_**A/N: …-twitch twitch- Okay, that's finished so I have some time to work on my other stories right? **_

_**Oh, to answer your question, AnimePenguin… my other stories that I am CURRENTLY working on in the Naruto fandom are "Afraid of the Dark", "Staying Strong," "Dear Diary", "Moving on", "Why So Serious?" and this one – though "Moving On" should end fairly quickly at this point… If you want to read any of them, have at. (But you have to read "Rendered Weak" before "Staying Strong".) Also, I have no idea how many chapters will be in each story – except "Moving On" which will only have 12 chapters and "Dear Diary" will have about 40 some-odd chapters. **_

_**Did I answer your questions? Thanks for reading, by the way.**_

_**Also, while I'm replying to anonymous reviewers… Scitz: In response to what you said for chapter 1, I thank you vehemently for you camera suggestion. It makes my plans for the end of the story make sense. Also, I can't wait to see the pictures. I'm thrilled that I have written a story that has inspired you to draw something from it – or maybe it's that you've been inspired to draw something FOR my story? Either way, I thank you. Thanks for reading. : )**_

_**To all of my other readers and reviewers: Thanks for reading and being patient. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :D Please review?**_


	10. Seriously, why? Zetsu

**Ten: Seriously, why? – Zetsu **

_**A/N: Sorry for bumping up the rating to M. I figured that the stuff in the last chapter is to blame for that – and anything else that may happen later. I really only know bits and pieces of what's going to happen next in this story so I don't know if there'll be any more…um, M rated contents. Just a heads up and a reason for the change – if anyone really noticed… **_

_**Please enjoy anyway though. :D**_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto© or any characters thereof. The premise of the anime/manga, characters and such belong to Masashi Kishimoto. **

**

* * *

**

_Yes, this is the question I ask constantly. "Seriously, why?" And why do I ask why? For starters, why not? But I also want to know why they are so fucking evil! I'm so sick of them tormenting us! They're between the ages of three and five. And we're all in our twenties, if not older. And they're mind torturing us. Yes, mind torturing us. It's like physical torture only in your head where they just twist your thoughts around and shit. They are major experts in this technique. (Insert sigh.) I just want them to grow up already so we can mind torture them with thoughts of what they did to us! Will we make them pay? Oh yes, we will make them pay – tenfold. _

**

* * *

**

"NO, YOU CANNOT TRY TO BLOW UP SASORI!" I scream, throwing down the spatula I was using to make the boys pancakes. "So just shut-up, Deidara." The little blonde boy looks down at the table, clearly upset by my shouting. I take a deep breath and put one hand to my forehead, rubbing my temples in exasperation.

"You made Dei-Dei cry! You're so mean, Zetsu-san!" Tobi cries, sounding angry. I don't look up though because I'm still trying to calm myself down. It's pretty bad when either of my sides get angry but when both of us get angry at the same time…

"If he wasn't pissing me off, I wouldn't be yelling, Tobi. And you damn well know that so don't go defending the little brat," I snap and all the little kids flinch, looking surprised. "Go wake everyone else up. If I hear them screaming at you that you got in trouble, you're going to be going to timeout so fast…" They all jump out of their seats and run out of the room. It's like I told them that if there was candy somewhere. Yeah, that's how fast they ran. It makes me wonder if the only thing they think about is torturing us. Okay, I know that's not entirely true. I mean, the whole incident with Deidara the other day totally compromises that idea.

"AH!" I hear Hidan scream followed by a much louder cry from Sasori. My guess is either they were naked or the kids pushed them out of bed. At least they're awake now… A moment later, I hear Kisame screaming at the brats. I forgot that he was naked.

"EW!!" Deidara screeches, running back into the room. I jump back as they all dash behind me, wrapping their arms around me. "My brain is flashing nasty pictures, un. If only they had more blankets!"

"Bad Zetsu!" Tobi cries. "If you hadn't sent us in there, Tobi's tummy wouldn't be sick!"

"Well, I'm tired and I forgot that they might not have clothes on…" I reason as Hidan runs in, buttoning up his pants.

"This is your goddamn fault, isn't it?" he hisses, pointing a finger at me for a brief moment before going back to trying to button his pants as fast as he can. "You couldn't wait for us to wake ourselves up, could you? You just had to send all those little brats in to push us out of bed, didn't you?"

"So you were naked _and_ pushed out of bed?" I inquire, trying to imagine it. It was actually pretty funny. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you'd be stupid enough to not lock your door." He lunges at me and all the little kids scatter, screaming. He knocks me back into the counter and I just stare at him, rather amused. I also know that the moment either Sasori or Kisame came in, he is going to have hell to pay.

"Stop being mean to Zetsu-san, un!" Deidara suddenly shrieks and we looked down at him in surprise. "He didn't do anything, Hidan-san. Please stop being mean, un…" Reluctantly, Hidan lets go of me and walks off grumbling. I glance down at him curiously. "Are you going to finish making breakfast?" I sigh – of course…

"Yes, just be patient," I respond, picking up the spatula and getting back to the now burning pancakes. Deidara nods and stands next to my leg.

"Can I watch, un?" he asks softly. I glance down at him and nod. I flip the pancake and set down the spatula. I reach down and pick him up, putting him up on the counter next to the stove.

"Be very careful and don't touch the stove," I tell him firmly and he nods. The other little boys, I find when I remember them, are sitting at the table again. Though, I must say that Tobi looks extremely jealous. I glance at him and he stares intently at the pancake.

"Is it almost done, un?" he inquires curiously.

"Not quite…" I murmur, turning back to it. Suddenly I feel a tug on my pants leg. I glance down to see Itachi staring up at me. "Yes?"

"I want to watch, too," he states softly. I sigh, flipping the pancake onto a plate. I pick up the dark haired boy and set him gently down on the other side of the stove. He and Deidara watch intently as I pour more batter into the frying pan. I then feel another tug on my pants. If it's who I thought it was, I was running out of room. I glance down to see Kakuzu staring up at me.

"You wanna watch, too?" I ask and he nods. I sigh again and pick him up, putting him on my hip as I check the pancake. I flip it and then feel a tug on my sleeve. I glance down at Tobi and as he opens his mouth I say, "Hang on." I set Kakuzu down and pick up Tobi, putting him on my back. Then I pick up Kakuzu again and put him on my hip where he was before. "Whatever you do, Tobi, don't let go or my neck or else you'll fall."

"Okay," he replies happily. "Thank-you, Zetsu-san!" Then there's a quiet where the only sound is the pancake cooking. "Is it almost done?" he questions.

I groan. "It's almost finished." I check the other side and then flip it onto the plate. All of the little kids cheer. Confused, I get butter and put it onto the pan. All of the kids "oh" in admiration. I wait for it to melt before pouring in more batter, met with the same results as the butter. They all watch, fascinated, as it sizzles and the bubbles form and pop. I slide the spatula under it and flip it, earning more cheering.

"Wow…" Deidara breathes happily.

"It's not that amazing…" I mutter, trying not to cringe in annoyance because my ears really hurt now. "But whatever…" I flip it onto the plate and there's more cheering.

"What's with all the noise?" Sasori asks, walking into the kitchen. I glance out of the corner of my eye and then go back to putting the butter in, getting the same results as last time.

"I don't know. They wanted to watch and now all their doing is cheering me o as I make _breakfast_," I respond, confused. "I really don't know what's going on."

"Breakfast is now a five-star quality show," he murmurs, leaning over my shoulder as if to just make sure that all I'm doing is making pancakes.

"Oh, Sasori-san!" Deidara cries, successfully catching his attention. "Hidan-san was being mean to Zetsu-san awhile ago, un!"

"Little tattle-tail…" Hidan hisses and makes the little blonde boy jump. Then he screams. "I didn't do a damn thing!"

"Deidara…" Sasori soothes, picking him up. He bumps me and Tobi screeches in my ear as I feel him slide off.

"CRAP!" I drop the spatula and reach behind me with my now free hand to catch him. Kakuzu clings to my neck, desperate not to be dropped. And Itachi just watches the whole thing. Startled, Hidan hurries to my other side and pries Kakuzu off of me. The little boy wraps his arm around him and turns his head to watch us as I struggle to keep Tobi from falling.

"Why do the simplest things turn into the most chaotic things?" Kisame asks, walking in and prying Tobi off my back. I sigh and hurry to flip the pancake before it burns.

"Because it's our life right now," I sigh as the pandemonium starts to die down. "Thanks, guys. Having to keep an eye on all four of them when they're so clingy is hard!"

"I can't imagine…" Sasori murmurs, shaking his head in disbelief. "Now, Deidara, what was that about?"

"He scared me, un… I didn't mean to scream so loud. Promise, un!" the little blonde boy cries.

"Okay, four pancakes done. Breakfast is on for the little ones," I announce, getting four plates down. "I hope you guys are still hungry…"

"YEAH!" they all scream and all the adults cringe. It's always too early for this stuff. And does that stop them? Nope.

* * *

"Favorite color."

"Orange."

"Why?"

"It looks like sunrise and sunrise is pretty, Zetsu-san."

"Okay…Least favorite color."

"Blue."

"Why?"

"Because it reminds Tobi of the dark."

"But the dark is black."

"Not right after a sunset. The sky turns a really dark blue. And that's about the time you put Tobi to bed."

"Are you scared of the dark?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"…Tobi's mommy and daddy came back one night after a mission. They were all bloody and Mommy was laughing. Daddy kept telling her to be quiet but she didn't listen…" He pauses, glancing away with a pained expression. "There were lots of loud noises and Tobi put his fingers in his ears so he could hear anymore. He hid under his bed when all the noises were gone – it was a scary quiet. Someone came into Tobi's room and after a lot of looking around, left again. Tobi stayed under his bed all night and when he got up the next morning…Mommy and Daddy were gone."

I look down at him, sympathy growing deep inside me. "So the dark scares you because…?"

"Because Tobi can't see. He can't see what's going on around him and he's also afraid that someone will come in and hurt you. Tobi doesn't want that. You wouldn't let them hurt you or take you away, would you?" He stares up at me with wide eyes.

I shake my head. "No way. And I'd make sure that they wouldn't take you either, just so you know." I smile at him and he smiles back. "Next question, what's you all time favorite food?"

"Rice…no, wait. Ramen…Um…No, Tobi thinks it must be sushi. Oh! Tobi can't decide!" he cries in frustration. I reach down and ruffle his hair.

"Okay, okay. I have one more question…Why do you like Deidara so much?"

"Oh, that's easy. He's the only one who's really nice to Tobi. He doesn't make fun of him, he doesn't push him down and he always likes listening to Tobi. Tobi wants to do absolutely everything he can to make sure that Deidara will always be okay – no matter what!" He grins up at me. "Tobi really likes Deidara for that but also because he's so cute. Well, Tobi guesses that he likes him just because he's Deidara…"

I feel a pang of jealousy spark inside of me. Yes, I'm dating Kisame. But I still like Tobi – grown up Tobi, that is. To realize that he likes Deidara so much…even if they were just babies right now… "Well, I'm glad he can make you so happy." He looks at me curiously. "You're always happy but happiest around him. You're lucky." I bite my lower lip. Is it wrong to encourage baby relationships?

"Tobi knows," he replies conceitedly. I roll my eyes. Even as a baby, that's still Tobi for you.

* * *

"I've decided that all the kids had bad pasts," I inform the others as I sit down after putting Tobi to bed for naptime. "I mean, it's kind of like a 'duh' moment but I just thought I'd point that out anyway."

"I just don't get how they ended up so goddamn obnoxious as adults," Hidan says, folding his arms across his chest and looking like he was pouting. "We all know that they've had horrible pasts but you'd think that'd make Tobi and Deidara like Itachi, Kakuzu, you and Sasori. But no! They've gotta be different. They've gotta be really annoying!"

"You're annoying so shut-up!" Sasori growls, glaring daggers at the other who cringes. "Anyway, all we can do is see if we can learn anything from this – besides the forced on parenting. Maybe something else happened to them and that's why they're the way they are as adults. You never know."

"Until they tell us and then we're going to know," Kisame reminds us, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. "Where's Leader? Why the hell isn't he back yet?"

"Probably because he's got some sort of sixth sense where he knows when suffering so he's staying on 'vacation' longer just to make us suffer more!" Hidan snaps angrily. I shake my head.

"That's ludicrous and you know it," I say definitely.

"Whatever…Hey, you know what I think we should do since it's so warm out?" Kisame asks excitedly and we shake our heads. "We won't let them hurt us, right? So what if we got the hose from out back and some balloons? Why not let them have an all out water war with us?"

"…Is that safe?" Sasori inquires, looking rather nervous. "I mean, is it safe for us? They've probably got a lot of frustration and anger built up toward us… Isn't it a bit dangerous to say that they get to throw stuff at us?"

We all sit there for a minute before I say, "Well, why not just let them get their frustration and anger out on us today instead of a week or so from now when they're even more frustrated and angry with us? It might be good for us all…"

"I'm game," Hidan agrees, raising his hand with a smile on his face.

"Then when they get up, we'll have a water fight," Kisame announces happily. "With that same line of reasoning, Sasori, we can get out our frustrations and anger toward them as well. It'll be fun." Sasori gives him an untrusting look.

* * *

_**A/N: I wanna have a water fight. That sounds fun…**_

_**Anyway, sorry it took me so long to update. Damn writer's block…I hope you like it. I'm again trying to work on the actual plot rather than just the humor. But at least it's still funny, right? On top of that, I went back to make sure that I was writing in the right POV and realized that this chapter should have been Hidan. Things will be a little messed up for awhile until I can sort that out in my head. Sorry. **_

_**Well, please review…**_


	11. It's Me, Deidara!

**11: It's me, Deidara!**

_Well...I have to say that it's kind of hard to find good things to say about the growed-ups right now. I mean, they're always putting us on time-out and we don't get enough sugar and Sasori-san has dropped me a few times. I don't know who they are or what they think they're doing but JEEZ! They're not very good mommies and daddies..._

_Oh, I forgot to mention that we got to beat up the growed-ups with water balloons yesterday. They're pretty sore today and I think it's because of some of my water bombs that blew up a little too close to their feet..._

_

* * *

_It's back to normal except the growed-ups are feeling pretty stupid about the water fight. I know that because every time they look at us, they shiver and shake their heads. And it's becoming so frequent, I'm keep having to hold back laughter. Tobi and I are sitting at the table, coloring, while Sasori and Zetsu make dinner. I'm pretty sure Kakuzu and Itachi are wrestling with Hidan and Kisame in the living room - and probably winning, while I'm thinking about it.

"Sasori-san?" I ask, looking up at him. He flinches and almost drops the eggs he will be using for our ham fried rice. "How old are you, un?" I hadn't really thought about it until that moment and I hadn't thought about it until that moment because it wasn't that important until that moment.

He turned his head toward me, a puzzled look on his face. "Um...19?" he replies but I can hear the uncertainty in his voice.

I cross my arms over my chest and give him one of those "now you're in for it" looks that he always gives me. "Sasori-san, if I'm not allowed to lie, why are you, un?"

"I'm not lying!" he snapped, sticking his nose in the air. "I mean, I look like I'm 19, right?"

"I look like I could be 25 if I smile just right but I'm not 25, un!" I yell impatiently, throwing my crayon on the table in anticipation for my next temper tantrum. I'm all ready to start screaming when I notice that both Zetsu and Sasori are looking at me with wide eyes, almost scared. "What?" I ask, a little more intimidated.

Sasori shakes his head, his eyes now reflecting sadness. "Nothing, Deidara. Go back to coloring..."

Frowning, I get up and wander over to him. I wrap my arms around his leg, wondering what I'd said to make him so sad. "I'm sorry, un." I don't look up at him as I wander out of the room, Tobi following without question. Yeah, I have to mention something about Tobi here. He's like a puppy. A lost puppy, while I'm at it. He will follow me anywhere without question, jump at the chance to help me. Now, that's not the only reason why I like Tobi - but it's a big part of it. He's really nice, too. And he didn't make fun of my hands when he first saw them. We're best friends - in my eyes. But, sometimes, I wonder how he sees me. Sometimes, I wonder if it's something like how Sasori looks at Hidan when he's really happy. Sometimes, I wonder if it's as close as I can ever get to love. I shake my head, impatient with myself.

"Where are they going, Dei-kun?" Tobi asks and I pause to wonder who "they" is. Then I remember he means "we".

"We're going to Sasori-san's room, un," I whisper sneakily. He grins in that way that makes me wonder all those things all over again. "Come on..." I want to stop him from thinking like that. My problem is sometimes I think the same things about him. So I grab his hand and drag him quietly down the hall towards the room that Sasori and I sleep. I consider it Sasori's room because of all the puppets - which really creep me out, by the way - even though it's my room too. I glare up at the door when we reach it.

Tobi grabs the doorknob and pushes open the door. "Now what?" he whispers, looking at me as the door silently opens all the way.

"Now, we're going to teach Sasori-san not to lie, un." I steel myself, trying to think of how we're going to be quiet about this. "We're going to take Sasori-san's puppets apart and take some of the pieces so he can't fix them by tomorrow."

"And blow up the pieces?" Tobi inquires. It hadn't occured to me at first so I pause and looking at him. "What?"

"You're really smart, Tobi, un!" I tell him and we walk into the room, silently closing the door behind us. Staring at all the puppets, we look at each other determinedly and set to work.

* * *

"Where are they?"

"They've been gone for how long and you just _now_ noticed?"

I frown, looking down the hall. "It's no good, un. We can't get out that way."

Tobi looks around the room and then points at the window. "Dei-kun, maybe you and Tobi can leave through the window?"

"Too high, un," I reply with a shake of my head. "We need another secret hallway..."

This makes Tobi's face lighten hugely. "Okay. Tobi knows where to go then! Tobi sneaks in and out of Sasori-san's room at night to make sure you're okay. It's in the closet!"

I blush at his words. Something inside of me is itching to be recognized but I don't know what it is. It feels like a really distant memory - one that I hadn't looked at in forever so I've almost completely forgotten it. Frowning at the annoying feeling inside me, I nod at Tobi. "Alright, let's go, un."

He leads me to the back of Sasori-san's closet where he pushes a panel aside and climbs in. He holds out his hand for me and says, "Come on, Dei-kun!" I take his hand and he pulls me into the little tunnel. I turn and close the panel behind me.

Then I turn to Tobi. He has a blank look on his face that scares me for a minute until he looks at me, sadness washing over him. "What?"

"Tobi doesn't know but he doesn't like it," he informs me, turning and crawling down the tunnel. "Dei-kun, Tobi's starting to think that the growed-ups aren't telling you and Tobi everything..."

"And what they're not telling is important, un?" I answer, my voice hard. He nods from in front of me. "We'll have to do something about that. What's important to Zetsu-san, un?"

Tobi pauses at a three-way fork in the tunnel. "Tobi's not sure. Maybe Tobi."

I wince as that registers. "Tell me where to go to get out of here and you stay, un."

"Why?" He looks at me, his eyes wide. I know he doesn't like the dark and this tunnel is very dark. "You can't leave Tobi all by himself!" His voice is bordering on hysteria.

And that stupid itchy feeling is back as I stare at him. So I react on it. Except, had it not been there, I probably wouldn't have done what I just did. I lean forward and kiss Tobi on his mouth. He doesn't pull back. "I'll be back, Tobi, un," I whisper, breathless with confusion. "And I'll bring a light. But I want to know what the growed-ups are hiding so I want to take away what's important to them so they'll tell me, un. So Sasori-san's puppet pieces, you're important to Zetsu-san, and I think Hidan-san's scythe is important to him...I don't know what's important to Kisame-san so I have to ask Itachi, un."

Tobi shakes his head. "His sword. That's most important to Kisame-san." Then he frowns and looks down at his knees. "Promise you'll be back?"

I cross my heart. "Promise. I'll bring a light and your blanket, un." Then I smile at him. The itching's back but I refuse to react this time as Tobi points ahead of me. "Thanks." I empty my pockets of all the little joint pieces from Sasori's puppets and then quickly scramble down the hall toward the next exit. When I get out, I don't close the panel all the way for Tobi. Then I turn and hurry to find a light and Tobi's blanket.

* * *

"So, that's your big plan?" Itachi asks as we all crowd in the tunnel, the lantern glowing oddly in the middle of our crowded little circle. I nod determinedly. "Well...It could work..." He glances at Tobi out of the corner of his eye and I have this odd feeling of wanting to hit him.

"Look, it's the best I've got and I want to know what we're missing, un," I tell him impatiently.

Kakuzu looks at me, strangely more calm than usual. "Okay. I'll help. Because I've had this really annoying and odd feeling about Hidan all day and I think that if we can get the adults to tell us what's going on, it will go away." I stare at him and am suddenly very grateful to him. "So you have parts of Sasori's puppets and Tobi's hiding. Now all we need are the scythe - which I will get - and the sword - which Ita-kun will get."

"Why do I have to get it? It hates me!" Itachi cries, looking slightly panicked.

Kakuzu shrugs. "Because Kisame-san's babysitting you so you have access to his sword. We'll wrap it in lots of blankets first. But before that, we have to get the growed-ups to sleep so they won't notice us. These are big things we're trying to take."

I think about that for the first time. "Okay. Well, I know where Sasori-san keeps the pills he gives me every night to make me sleep a long time, un. Will those work?"

"Sure. We'll all go out to dinner. You and Tobi get all the adults into the living room and Itachi and I will put the pills in their food. So the table has to be set first so we don't get the plates mixed up," Kakuzu plans expertly. I'm very happy I let him know what I wanted to do now. I couldn't have thought about all this by myself. "Let's go."

So we all leave, going to do exactly what we were told to do. Tobi and I start throwing the biggest fits about nothing in the living room after the table's all set. At first, just Sasori and Zetsu come out to see what's going on. But we become fiesty and louder so Hidan and Kisame walk out to see as well. None of them can contain us and we're very proud of our work.

Kakuzu and Itachi - I can see them from my spot on the floor - hurry to the table with the bottle of pills and slip one each into the growed-ups' rice. Once Kakuzu puts the pills into his pocket, he gives me a thumbs up sign. As Tobi and I abruptly stop our tantrums and look up at the growed-ups with blank expressions.

"What was that about?" Hidan explodes almost immediately. "What was the whole damn reason for that?" Sasori takes this opportunity to smack him upside the head. "Really?" he responds sarcastically.

I glance at Tobi who starts whimpering. "To-Tobi's really sorry..." he whines expertly. See, this is why working with Tobi isn't that bad. It's actually quite fun.

"Me too, un," I mumble, staring at their feet and noticing something for the first time. "Why do you guys have nailpolish on your toes?" I look up at them expectantly. Hidan and Sasori are spluttering and blushing madly while Kisame and Zetsu both seem at loss of words. "Well, anyway, they're very pretty, un. I'm hungry. Is anybody else, un?" Right on cue, my fellow fiends cry out enthusiastically. "Yay!"

* * *

"That worked nicely," Kakuzu observes as he shovels another spoonful of rice into his mouth. The growed-ups are all facedown - or close enough - in their food, dead to the world. I poke Sasori just to make sure. He doesn't even flinch like he does at night when I want a glass of water. "Those pills worked really fast. Well, we better go get the scythe and the sword while they're still asleep. Then we can hide you -" He looks pointedly at Tobi who cowers and pokes at his food. "- and the other things in the tunnel. Then the rest of us will come back and wait for them to wake up. As they wake up, we go back to eating like nothing happened."

I grin. "I'm excited, un."

"Tobi's not..." Tobi mumbles as we all climb away from the table. "How long will Tobi have to be in there?"

"Until we come to get you and the other things. Hopefully, it won't take too long," Itachi says, sounding somewhat sad toward Tobi. Something inside me makes me think that maybe Itachi's scared of the dark too but he won't admit it.

We all walk back to the tunnel where Tobi climbs in. I pass him the lantern and kiss his cheek as Itachi and Kakuzu go get the weapons. "I'd stay with you but I need to be out there, un..."

"Tobi knows," he tells me, not sounding as down this time. "Tobi really hopes this will work." He smiles hopefully and I grin in response. He crawls back to the main part of the tunnel and I stand guard. Kakuzu comes back first, easily holding the scythe over his shoulder.

He shrugs when he sees my bewildered expression. "It's light," he informs me. We wrap the blades up in some blankets I get from Zetsu's room and then pass the weapon in to Tobi who positions it next to him. Then Kakuzu goes and helps Itachi who's struggling with the sword. "You're right; it _doesn't _like you." The wrestle with the thing and I keep having to wrap more blankets around the handle for them. After about five more blankets, we pass it carefully inside. Tobi makes sure not to touch anything but the wrapped handle.

"You okay, Tobi?" Kakuzu calls hurriedly.

"Yep!" Tobi responds easily, probably trying to not give away how frightened he really is. "Good luck!"

"I'll be back soon, Tobi," I whisper as I shut the panel. We hear stirring from the kitchen so we all sprint and sit in our seats, going back to eating our food. I'm not very hungry anymore, almost sick with anticipation. My stomach feels like it's in knots and I want to cry. But I put on my brave face as Sasori starts to come around.

* * *

_**A/N: Yes, The long awaited chapter of S-Class Babies? It is finally out. Aren't you all so happy? XD **_

_**Okay, this is partly because one of my reviewers suggested that I do the babies' POV and partly because I screwed up my pattern. So I'm using Deidara to help me get back on track. **_

_**The babies are starting to grow up. (insert gasp) You can tell by that little fit Deidara threw in the beginning. **_

_**Hope this turns out long enough and is good enough to keep you around! :D**_

_**Thanks for your patience. Please review.**_


	12. Don't You Wish They Knew? Pein

**12: Don't You Wish They Knew? Pein**

_**A/N: I needed a comic relief… And I couldn't resist this chapter….**_

_**

* * *

**_

_Did I know what I was doing? Up to a point, yes. I knew that Sasori was the one who accidentally-on-purpose turned four of my Akatsuki members into babies. I knew that I was torturing them by drawing out my vacation away from them. I knew about my basement – and how close they'd come to finding all the cameras that I hoped they'd be stupid enough to think weren't recording for my current entertainment. Honestly, when they'd first come to me with the babies, I hadn't known what to do. So I took this vacation. I love the fact that I could sneak in a day later and wire the cameras so that I could watch everything – and they didn't know. I _love_ it! My organization is full of idiotic, "do as he says", monkeys! It's amazing. And I didn't realize this until now. _

_Anyway, yes. Konan and I are on vacation. We're enjoying ourselves very much so. I've never laughed so hard in my entire life. "_Souložit, boogie, baiser! Bumsen!" _Ah, Hidan...How did you learn all those different languages?

* * *

_

"Are they awake yet?" I ask groggily, noticing Konan sitting up already. I don't hear any noise from the TV though so I'm unsure.

"Oh, they're up…" Her voice alerts me and I sit up. She's in awe so I look at the TV. Instantly, I'm in trepidation too. The babies are awake but not the adults. They're silently going around the house with random weapons they must have found in their babysitters' rooms. It's what they're doing with the weapons that make us become something of zombies – because, honestly, if we didn't just let this go, we'd be freaking out. They're dragging the sharp objects against everything – the counters, floors, cupboards, furniture – and being very quiet about it. They all look determined as they destroy our base. I decide that they probably didn't take the previous night's events very well.

See, after they'd demanded answers, they only got about five before Hidan freaked out on them. Sasori actually started scolding them as well, telling them that it wasn't safe for them to be hiding Tobi. But they hadn't been happy with their answers. They'd had more questions. The adults wouldn't let them bring it back up after they'd had their things again. They'd pretty much stuck them right in bed and that was the end of the story.

Well, that's what the adults thought, I'm sure. The babies had obviously thought this through a little bit more. "It's like watching a really good soap opera with awesome actors…" I mutter, too amazed by the children's destruction to get mad about it yet.

"I wonder what the adults will do when they wake up?" Konan asks, though I'm sure she knew the answer already.

"Freak out," I reply anyway. She nods mutely. Then we see Hidan waking up.

"Uh-oh. I was kind of hoping maybe Kisame or Sasori would wake up first. This will be bad…" Konan mutters. I can't even nod. I'm slightly afraid for the kids' lives.

"_What the…?" _Hidan mutters as he puts his feet on the ground and notices the notches carved into the wooden floor. He visibly pales and I can't help but to laugh. _"Oh, shit, no…"_ Konan joins me in laughter as Hidan looks around his room in silent horror. Then he jumps up and yanks open his scarred door, letting out a loud scream.

On one of the other screens, the babies freeze. Then they all drop their weapons and scramble. Despite knowing that our base will probably be in ruins by the time Konan and I get back, I laugh even harder than before. Sasori's up first – naturally. _"What's going on? Who's dead?" _he cries, running to Hidan's aid as Zetsu wanders out from his room. He doesn't look amused.

"_Have you not seen the condition of the base? We're screwed! Leader-sama is going to _kill _us!" _Hidan looks to be on the verge of hysteria.

"I didn't realize you scared them so badly," Konan muses, grinning happily. I shrug, watching the screen intently. Kisame's walking down the hall, looking as horrified as Hidan. That's about when Sasori and Zetsu start _really _looking around. Their mouths drop in terror.

"_This can't be happening!" _Sasori screeches, turning tail and racing down the hall at an impossible speed. Zetsu's dark side then makes an appearance and starts a nice long stream of swear words – even going as far as to make up some nasty sounding ones. A very high-pitched howl echoes from the kitchen. Then it's dead silent for a minute in which Konan and I burst into hysterical laughter. _"WHERE ARE THEY?"_

"_Sasori…" _Kisame starts, seeming to be the only one in a relatively calm state. But he's shot down with glares from Zetsu and Hidan. _"Never mind…"_

"I think my favorite is when Sasori gets so angry," I say between random spasms of laughter.

"No, Hidan stands as the best and he always will," Konan replies breezily, giggling insanely afterward.

"Sasori can take on Hidan any day when he's this angry," I inform her haughtily. "Hidan wouldn't stand a chance."

She snorts. "Oh really? I highly doubt that. First of all, Sasori has a crush on Hidan at the moment so he wouldn't dare lay a hand on him. Second, Kakuzu has _bragged _about him being able to kill someone quickly and efficiently."

"Ha!" I bark. My competitive side is coming out to shine. "First, it doesn't matter if they have crushes on each other. If Sasori was riled up enough, he'd totally destroy him. And second, who said anything about murder?"

Konan's mouth twists up in a sort of grimace and snicker. "Is that a challenge?"

"It most definitely is," I respond in a slightly snarling voice. "Hidan and Sasori will have broken up by the end of the day."

"What do I get if Hidan manages to salvage their relationship by midnight?" she inquires curiously. I note that she didn't deny their possible breakup.

I think about this for a moment and then say, "Ah, I know. I'll get my little minions to create that pool you wanted in the basement."

She breaks into a wide grin. "And if you win… I'll issue the missions and put up with your _little minions _for a month."

"Deal." We shake hands, beaming insanely.

"_WE DEMAND ANSWERS!" _Kakuzu screams from the TV and we look over. The adults have the babies cornered – literally. The adults are surrounding the toddlers in the far corner of the living room. While Deidara and Tobi look slightly worried, Itachi and Kakuzu are standing their ground. The adults look furious.

"_We gave you answers last night!" _Sasori reminds him angrily. _"What more could you possibly want to know that would make you create such destruction?"_

Surprisingly, Tobi responds, _"We can start with why we're all here." _Konan and I sober up immediately, curious. This wasn't really a new development – that had happened yesterday. We figured that if the babies were becoming curious about things they couldn't explain within them, they were probably growing up; maybe not physically yet but still. _"No one ever told us why we woke up in this strange place and got assigned to be babysat by you four. You introduced yourselves and we got to know you but why did we have to? Why didn't we already know you? Were we kiddy-napped?"_

"_No, of course not," _Sasori tells him immediately. But here he pauses, as if unsure what to say next. _"We're not entirely sure what happened, really…"_

"_Then why didn't you try to find out parents?" _Itachi asks next, looking defiant.

Hidan sighs and I can practically hear what he's thinking: 'This is too much trouble than it's worth.' He runs a hand through his hair and says, _"It's complicated. We don't know how you got here but we knew who you were already. There was no one for you to go home to."_

This brings the kids up short. Varying emotions cross their faces, from anger to sadness to madness. Finally, Deidara declares, _"But you pretended you didn't know us, un. You made us think that we were new to you. Did you know everything about us then, un?"_

"_Of course not," _Zetsu scoffs and I flinch a little. _"There were still things we didn't know. We've really been able to get to know you guys and we're glad we could."_

Panic crosses Deidara's face. _"You're giving us up, un!" _he accuses, horrified with the prospect.

"_What? No we're not!" _Kisame cries, looking just as upset as Deidara.

"_Even with the mess we've made?" _Kakuzu whispers, peeking hopefully up at Hidan.

"_Yeah…About that…" _said Jashinist starts and Konan sighs. Sasori elbows him in the ribs and I chuckle delightfully. _"Even with the mess you've just made. Look, you've grown on us, okay? You're our little S-Class Babies." _The adults all grin but the children look confused.

"_What?" _Tobi inquires, sounding absolutely puzzled.

"_Never mind," _Zetsu mutters, looking around. _"We'll let you off but you have to help us with damage control." _The kids hastily agree.

The next few hours leading up to naptime are rather entertaining at the same time that they're painfully boring. After the adults sand down as many of the scars as possible so that every surface of wood just looks dipped, Kakuzu sews up the furniture and the other children splash each other with paint as they cover up their damage. Random fights break out throughout the day – some between Sasori and Hidan, our star-crossed lovers, and Konan and I banter over the results. Still, naptime doesn't come fast enough and I'm sure it was twice as long for the adults back at the base.

When the kids are all finally tucked into bed, Zetsu and Kisame wander off muttering something about a nap. But we note that they don't go into the same room. With this strange turn of events, Konan and I are again betting on another relationship. "Kisame will be the one to end it," I declare as I stare intently at the TV while shoveling food into my mouth.

"If that's the case, then Zetsu will be the one who saves it," Konan replies calmly, prodding some fish on her plate.

"You always think of the good side of people," I scoff, looking at her.

"Because sometimes, that's the one side I can stand," she replies and I notice that she's staring particularly at the screen with Zetsu staring out of his bedroom window with Tobi sprawled on his bed.

I'm silent for a moment while I contemplate that. "I think Zetsu misses Tobi."

She doesn't answer right away. "What would you have done if I had been turned into one of those babies?"

"I would have taken care of you personally," I respond without hesitation. "No distractions for myself whatsoever. I also wouldn't have made the mistake of telling you anything – no matter if you were holding something of mine hostage. I would have made you wait."

"Until when?" I glance at her and a smile is dancing on her lips.

"Until you were older." I grin and we break into laughter.

"_Hidan…" _The tone in Sasori's voice makes us whip our heads around. _"I…" _He looks perplexed. _"Do you remember that bet we made?"_

"_How could I forget?" _Hidan mumbles, sitting down on the newly repaired couch. _"Why?"_

Sasori's in the doorway to the kitchen, his back turned away from Hidan. _"Maybe we should forget it."_

Hidan snaps his head up, an alarmed expression on his face. _"What are you talking about? Are you trying to breakup with me?"_

A sigh escapes Sasori's lips. _"Look, we know what will happen when the kids are adults again. We know this won't last."_

"_Do we?"_ Hidan challenges softly. It doesn't really sound like a challenge though, it sounds more like he's thinking aloud. _"Sasori, I like you. Really, I do. And I'm afraid of what will happen when Kakuzu grows up because I've liked him longer. But…I can't foresee what will happen. I also don't want to cut something I'm enjoying so much short. Can't we just face it when we get there?"_

Sasori spins, almost losing his balance which looks odd when he stumbles like that. He looks slightly disoriented and crazy. _"I don't want it to end! But that's just the problem, isn't it? I know that the moment Deidara turns back into that 20 something year old, I will drop you instantly for him. I know this without a doubt, Hidan. Yes, I like you. However, I'm sorry, you will never compare to that boy."_

I feel my jaw drop and hear Konan gasp from behind me. I'm not Hidan so my empathy makes me feel slight pinpricks of what he must be feeling. He stands up abruptly, furious. _"Fuck you, Sasori. You know, it was stupid to get involved with a puppet who only has echoes of emotion from the past. A puppet who will never truly feel. I pity Deidara." _Then he storms off to his room, almost slamming his door but remembering that Kakuzu's asleep in there. Sasori stands there looking rather numb. Apparently that wasn't the breakup he had envisioned.

"I win," I say but it lacks emotion.

"It's not midnight yet," Konan reminds me and I grumble something that even I don't understand.

"This will be a long day…" I mutter with a sigh and a shake of my head. "Where did that even come from anyway?"

Konan considers this for a moment before suggesting, "Maybe the kids' questions threw him and he became concerned about their future again. He's worried about it before, I think."

"Well, obviously not to this degree," I exclaim, throwing my hands in the air. The TV looks rather boring now that the adults seem wrapped up in their own thoughts and the kids are all asleep. "Wake me up when something interesting happens."

"Like when I win this bet?" she inquires with a smug smile.

"Which one?" I counter with a smirk as I curl up under the covers. I catch her rolling her eyes before I'm out. The next thing I'm conscious of, I'm being shaken awake. "What's wrong?" I mumble, trying to get my eyes to open.

"The base is under attack." And then I hear the kids start screaming.


	13. Bitter Sweet Hidan

**13: Bitter Sweet – Hidan**

_I knew I would win. I always win. So why does it hurt so fucking bad?_

Safely locked away in my room, I'm sitting at the end of my bed. Kakuzu's curled up on the pillows – it's the only time he'll sleep _on _a bed instead of _under_ it. I feel close to tears. And I hate Sasori for reducing me to this weak being. I want to rip him apart and stab his heart and watch his horrified face. I grin at the idea. And then frown as I glance back at Kakuzu. I can almost see how he'd look as an adult perfectly. The child's silky, brown hair would be a bit longer, constantly falling into his eyes. Of course, his eyes would be colder and less innocent but that's just Kakuzu. He would be towering over me; built and tense almost all the time.

In a way, I long for that Kakuzu – even if he didn't take much notice in me. He was the man I had become accustomed to sharing life with. Sasori was something else. I hated comparing them but it wasn't hard. Sasori had been untouchable. He had been Deidara's. Sometimes, I can still see the contempt – the jealousy – in those little blue eyes if I get too close to the redhead. To me, Sasori has always been the perfect one. He turned himself into a puppet and now avoids flaws. I flinch, wondering if I'm a flaw now.

At first, I' too wrapped up in my crazed thoughts to notice the odd feel in the air. But after awhile, tension became thick in the air and I alert myself. I tear my gaze from Kakuzu and turn to look at the door. The attackers come through my window.

I' on my feet before I realize I have no weapon. Kakuzu wakes to the noise of the glass shattering and men shouting. He immediately screams. I scoop him up and go to my closet before remembering that even though the brats had admitted to taking my scythe, they had never given it back.

"Kakuzu, where'd you hide my scythe?" I ask, glancing down at the brat and racing into the hall.

The urgency in my voice must have alerted him to how bad our situation really is because his eyes widen. "We hid it in a wall." I glare down at him and he wiggles out of my arms. Then he drags me down the hall quickly. Abruptly, he stops and pushes aside a panel I didn't know existed. Thinking back to when Sasori and I had fallen into the basement, I start to think that there's a lot of stuff about this place that I don't know.

He crawls inside and when he pops back out, he's dragging my scythe with him. As he hands it up to me, Itachi and Kisame come barreling down the hall. Itachi dives in and comes back out with Samehada. Kisame takes the sword and we exchange a grim look.

"Okay, here's what's going to happen," I start, looking down at the two kids at my feet. "We're going to go get Tobi and Deidara and get you guys a pair of lanterns. Then we're going to take you to a room. In that room there will be a trapdoor that leads to stairs. The first set takes you to the cellar and the second will take you lower. You're going to take both."

Their eyes are wide and I'm sure they're terrified. "What about you guys?" Kakuzu asks before Itachi can.

"We're going to take these motherfuckers down and keep you four safe," I declare, only swearing because I'm pissed and I know that the kids will take it as determination. "But you have an important job too, you guys."

I can hear footsteps behind me and judging by the lack of urgency, I'm not betting it's Sasori or Zetsu. "What?" Itachi demands, his face now contorted to show his resolve.

"You have to keep an eye on Deidara and Tobi and make sure all four of you are safe. If we don't come get you by the time your lanterns start to run low, come upstairs and start preparing to take care of yourselves for awhile, okay?" The horror on their face almost makes me retract what I said but it's too late and they need a plan of action in the event that we – their caretakers – disappear.

Kakuzu swallows hard and seems to make some sort of decision. "Right. We promise, Hida-kun!"

Then I spin and wield my scythe against the attackers. I recognize them right away from our Akatsuki Hit List. It's the new and "improved" Team Seven creating a killer alliance with Team Eight. I grit my teeth, excited for a chance at sacrifice. Though I am slightly confused by this match-up because from what I can remember reading, the Hokage didn't like the idea of these teams working together. "Alright, what do you want?" I hiss, feeling Kakuzu press a hand against my leg. It was reassuring to know that they were waiting for me to tell them what to do next.

The one with sandy brown hair – Kiba, I recall – steps up and looks furious. But why he's so furious, I don't understand. "Well, we were here just to locate your base." He glances down at Kakuzu and Itachi who are both still hiding behind me and Kisame who has just stepped up to stand next to me. "But then we saw the kids." It kind of clicks at that point. I figure that they must have thought we'd kidnapped the kids. I wish we'd been paying more attention – then we could have hidden the kids and these idiots wouldn't have ever smashed through our windows.

Shino, the mysterious looking one decides to come forward with the next reason of attack. "Where are the others?"

Frowning, I realize that we're not getting through them any time soon. Thinking quick, I bend down and say through barely moving lips, "Kakuzu, where does this tunnel in the wall lead?"

I knew they'd never know the answer because Kakuzu quickly catches on as to why I'm whispering. His mask helps this cause. "To Sasori-san's room."

"Anywhere else?" I ask, never letting my eyes leave the curious group in front of me.

"It branches off twice. One way goes to Zetsu-san's room and the other one goes to a really dark room that we've never been in because it scares us," he answers automatically. There's a hard edge to his voice that reminds me of the older version of him and makes me overwhelmingly sad.

I think about the information he's given me. I'd bet anything that the "dark room" he's referring to is Pein's room. I decide to take my chances. "Good. Take Itachi and go to the dark room." I glance at his surprised face for just a second and then back at the enemies. "We'll send Deidara and Tobi with lanterns, okay?"

"Yes, Hida-kun…" he whispers before I stand up. I hear him and Itachi crawl through the little tunnel and when I back up, they're not there anymore.

"Let's find the others really fast," I hiss to Kisame. We turn tail and flee. I notice that the door to their tunnel is sealed nicely. We race down the hall and into the kitchen where I collect two lanterns and a box of matches. Kisame's already in the living room, gathering up Deidara and Tobi. I hand him the lanterns and turn to the enemy angrily, brandishing my scythe dangerously. "Get them in that tunnel and they'll be fine."

One of the girls – Sakura, I believe – side-steps as if to block Kisame's path so I take a swipe at her. She jumps backward into a wall. I love the expression on her face because she looks so dumbstruck. Eager to fend off any more path-blockers, I shove myself between the hall and the group. Kisame squeezes behind me with the kids trailing along. Sasori then closes the gap beside me.

Kiba looks about ready to launch himself at us so I show him the blades of my scythe. His eyes go wide and he takes a step backward. "That's right, you little fuckers. Stay where I can see you and you'll be fine."

Sasori snickers. "At least, your bodies might be recognizable." He glances at me out of the corner of his eye and I know what he wants me to do. I give them one of the most crazed laughs I can manage and all but maybe two flinch. "So, what did you want again?"

"To get those children back in safe hands!" Sakura declares, pointing down the hall over my shoulder. Sasori and I both frown at her angry expression.

"They're with us," I hiss and leap toward her. She pulls out a kunai – one of my favorite weapons to work against because it's so easy to get past – and blocks my scythe. But she made the mistake of slipping the kunai between two of my blades, making it easy to slide the blade forward and with an easy flick of my wrist, twist the knife out of her hand and send flying across the room. It hits the opposing wall. "Wanna try that again?" I whisper, enjoying her slightly panicked expression.

Naruto jumps out behind me and embeds his kunai in my back, behind my shoulder blade. I frown, unhappy with their presence. I spin, almost taking Sai's head off with me had he not ducked, and catch him with the point of the first two blades against his chest. He's pretty close to Sasori now too. "Watch it," I warn.

Just then, Zetsu sneaks under us and promptly scares Hinata by popping out beside her on a wall. He grins at her as he takes one of her kunai and launches the blade at Sai. Kakashi, using his stolen Sharingan skills, manages to flip forward and grab it just before impact because Sai has his back turned. I laugh happily. "Alright, enough of this shit. Let's have some fun!" I swing my scythe out, managing to catch Naruto's chest on the way, and lunge for Shino.

I hate what happens next. I will always be afraid of bugs because of him.

A nice long line of earwigs form and crawl um my sleeve, around my throat, and a few make it into my ears before I realize what's going on. I brush a bunch off but more take their place. Starting to squirm from the stupid bugs crawling around in my ear and trying to find entrance to my inner ear, I slash at Shino. All the bugs drop from my body and I shake my head desperately. He tries again but this time, conjures about five or so giant spiders. They're not quite something from an imaginary world but they're still pretty freaky. A little larger than a dinner plate, they all launch at me at the same time. I scream and stumble backward, slashing at the air in front of me.

Something sharp behind me forces me to stop but I continue to slash at the huge spiders in front of me. I'm very aware of their giant pinchers snapping in my general direction. Managing to slice the last two in half, I turn on whoever has their blade in my back. Kurenai stands there with one kunai in my direction and another in position to be flung at Sasori. Angry and frustrated, I pull out my pike and slam it into her shoulder. Then I turn to look at the stunned young ninja behind me. "You all better scram before I impale all of you through your hearts!" This actually seems to piss Naruto off more though the girls look a lot less sure than they had before.

He lunges at me but Kisame flies out from the hall and knocks into him. Standing up, he looks at me with a satisfied grin and says, "Don't kill anyone yet. We're not quite big enough for a war against a country yet, don't you agree?"

I pull out my pike and wipe it on my cloak, acting bored. "Yeah, yeah. But if I _accidentally_ killed someone, no one could blame me." Then I grin insanely and look straight at Naruto. "I'd be willing to kill everyone in this room besides the Nine-Tails."

Naruto looks slightly crazier with fury and it makes me laugh – until Kurenai punches me in the jaw. Unhappy with the snap that my jaw makes, I spin on her and don't hesitate to give her a black eye before jumping back. I didn't like to be that close when fighting with my enemy. The room feels intensely small for 12 people to fit in. I'm starting to feel claustrophobic. Frustrated again, I get a better hold on my scythe, slash at a few people and make a break for the back door. I can hear people following me.

Because I know that it will be a pain to fix later and I kind of need it intact, I actually pause to open the back door before continuing to run. I hear Sasori laugh at me from the living room. Once outside, I feel like I can think better. My mind clears and the first thought that pops into my brain is, "Survive and avoid capture for Kakuzu. Protect Kakuzu." With a new – grim – determination, I spin to face my pursuers. I have Naruto, Kiba, Hinata, and Kakashi. I frown, sure I'd pissed off a few more people. But that gets momentarily washed from my mind as a giant dog runs into view. "What the fuck?" I screech, unhappy with the thing in front of me.

Kiba walks out to greet it and the dog responds by barking. "Meet Akamaru," the boy says with a note of triumph. I want Kakuzu back. I don't want to face off with a giant dog. I need to create a distraction and get it and its owner away from me. But it's the distraction that I can't think of. Frowning deeply, I prepare to be attacked. Naruto, the most riled up, is the first to launch himself at me. I throw my hand up and block him with the handle of my scythe. The clanking sound resonating from his attack brings my awareness to the kunai in his hand. "Haven't you learned that those weapons are useless?"

Then someone comes up behind me and slashes at my back. Angry, I realize that Hinata is missing from the two left standing. I don't really want to kill anyone at the moment because I don't have Kakuzu to fix me – though I'm sure if he found me alive and decapitated, he wouldn't hesitate to offer his assistance. So my only other option is to try and scare them off. Morbid curiosity makes me wonder if I could Curse Akamaru. Grinning manically, I push Hinata out of my way – and slash at her just for good measure – before drawing out Jashin's symbol beneath my feet. Then I turn to Akamaru with an intensity that even the dog understands. "Ready or not, here I _go_!" Then I slash at my chest.

Blood spurts satisfyingly from the dog's chest and soaks Kiba, who looks shocked and horrified at once. Happy with the results, I try again. I stab my pike through the arm supporting my scythe. In the exact same spot on the dog, blood flies. I am very happy with these results. But I don't want to give away too much because I know that I'm going to be letting these guys go. Just as I'm about to drop my scythe and shove my pike through my hand, Kurenai runs out of the house with the rest of the Konaha brats following. "Let's go – now!"

I panic a little, afraid that they had somehow managed to get a hold of the kids, and almost step out of my symbol. I am quickly reassured by the lack of children in their arms and stay put. Kiba looks furious and takes a step toward me only to be stopped by his teammate, Shino. They exchange a look and then they all flee. As soon as they're gone, I'm unnerved. "Too easy…It's not as though they were short on people or anything…"

Then I calm down and try to retract the curse. But Akamaru must still be in range because I can't. Sighing, I decide to take my chances and go inside. "You're an idiot, Hidan," Sasori says as soon as he sees me.

I glare at him. "Oh? And how is that?"

"You were attacking the dog?" Unlike Sasori, Kisame looks like he's holding back laughter.

"It was bigger than me!" I shout and then stow away my pike. "I don't care what state we're in, we need to go check on the kids." They all assume serious expressions and we head to where Sasori and I remember Pein's room to be. We open the door and see that the trapdoor is open only ever so slightly which makes me hope that Kakuzu and Itachi remembered the rest of my instructions. I swing open the trapdoor and head down. We go down both sets of stairs to see the kids all up and in battle positions of their own, crazed determination in each of their eyes. I suck in a sharp breath. "Hey, guys…"

"Hida-kun!" Kakuzu shouts, relief in his voice. But I notice that none of them drop their somehow-acquired weapons.

I realize that they're very smart ninja kids. "Okay, okay…Uh…Kakuzu, your favorite food is sushi and you love to draw. You saw me, Kisame, you, and Itachi as a little family at one point…" His eyes shine with recognition but he waits for the others to confirm their identities. It's then I pause, wondering how he had seen me through my skeleton-like look that I was currently still wearing.

"Your favorite color is orange like sunrise, and you hate the dark because of your parents," Zetsu tells Tobi who nods with relief.

"You can never decide on your favorite food but you love to blow things up because it's…" Sasori struggles with himself to get the next word out. "Art." I snicker and he shoots me a death glare.

Kisame looks at Itachi and mutters, "_J'aime __la mer __quand__ elle__ reflète__ le__ ciel_." Itachi smiles happily and drops his weapon, running at Kisame. He wraps his tiny arms around his legs. Tobi does the same thing to Zetsu. But Kakuzu and Deidara stay rooted to the spot and I know that their fear has now just reached them. I frown, sad.

Deidara looks curiously at Sasori who looks about as messy as I do. The coil in his stomach is loose and he has a slightly crazier look in his eye. With his pants ripped up a bit, blood splattered across his bare chest, and a sword in his hand, he looks rather unapproachable. I can't imagine what I must look like. I want to turn and run – and that's not a feeling I'm accustomed to. I put a hand to my chest, starting to wonder how much blood I'm losing.

"Hida-Kun…" Kakuzu suddenly whispers and little tentacles swarm my chest, removing my hand and sewing me up quickly and efficiently. Seeing Kakuzu's resolve must have clicked something into place for Deidara because he wanders over to Sasori and, looking up at him, takes off his shirt and starts wiping blood off his chest.

Something in me screams and all I feel is an overwhelming sadness. Before I can stop myself, I mutter, "I want the old Kakuzu back…" His threads stop and I catch his eye.

"Old?" he wonders aloud, his brow furrowing in concentration and confusion. "What do you mean?"

I bite my lip, debating with myself on whether or not to just vent all my frustrations and end in an explanation – the real one – as to why he's standing in front of me. Finally, I turn my head and say, "Never mind." Then something catches my eye and I wander away, Kakuzu retracting his threads. "What's this?"

Sasori, Kisame, and Zetsu all came to stand behind me. "A…A VCR?" Kisame ventures, hitting a play button. One of the TVs off to the opposite wall jump to life. We turn around to watch and are awed to see Sasori on the screen. He's in the kitchen, spraying something on a few pieces of fruit. "What are you doing?" Kisame's voice is barely audible. I feel myself pulling away, detaching.

"I…I tainted some fruit," Sasori replies, sounding half-ashamed and half-relieved. "Yes, that's the night I did it…" On the screen, he goes back to bed and the screen holds an empty kitchen. We sit there for awhile before I punch a fast-forward button. I stop when I see Kakuzu standing on the screen, talking to Itachi. An explosion sounds off-screen and shakes the camera. Seeing Kakuzu that way makes me wander forward, in a daze.

That, I think, is when I realize how badly I miss Kakuzu. Baby Kakuzu does nothing but make me want the adult version of him back. I don't care if he abuses me when he is himself again, I need him. I glance coldly at Sasori over my shoulder. "What did you taint the fruit with?"

Surprise coats Sasori's features. "Well, a potion of sorts. It was only supposed to put the person in a state of hypnosis so that I could ask a few questions…" But we all know what really happened even before Zetsu hits the fast-forward button again and replays that first morning.

Something seems to click for the kids who are also watching the screen intently and have now turned to us. Deidara and Kakuzu particularly look angry while the other two look rather betrayed. Whoops. "You lied again," Kakuzu accuses. "That's twice now. What are you trying to accomplish by lying to us?"

"We didn't think you'd understand when we ourselves didn't until now!" Sasori shouts back. I can't tell if he's angrier with himself or with the situation. "You were adults once, yes. You were our partners. Do you want to know what we did?" The kids look unsure now. "We killed people. You're killers."

I lunge at Sasori, knocking him off his feet. "Shut-up, you prick!" I scream. But almost instantly, I drop my scythe and am on my knees crying. This isn't fair. I didn't like being this way. I suppose now I understand that I have been a child in Kakuzu's eyes. Ever since he's been a child here, he's had to see me try to collect myself and be the grown-up.

Sasori sits up, using his hands to hold himself, and glares at me. "I hate you," he hisses but I know the contempt for him will show in my eyes as I look at him sharply.

"STOP!" Tobi shouts, sounding in tears. I glance behind me to see the kids all huddled together looking terrified and upset. And I feel like an idiot. How selfish of me to throw a fit while they're still around. "Please," he adds and I'm guessing I haven't completely flushed the anger out of my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, glancing down at my hands. I frown deeply. They haven't changed back to normal. "Something's not right…" I say, standing up and looking down at myself. "Akamaru's still in range."

"The dog?" Kisame asks doubtfully.

I spin to face him, not comprehending why they don't seem to believe me. "He's the one I used the Curse on, isn't he?"

Realization dawns on Zetsu's face and he grabs my arm. "Are they staking out?"

"I don't know. But they haven't left yet. They're still in the area," I mutter, looking up at the ceiling as if that will hold the answers.

"I'll go close the trapdoor," Kisame declares and heads for the stairs. "We tried fighting them and we're nothing without the rest of our team right now." I nod, knowing that he also means we can't focus while worrying about the kids. He dashes upstairs, leaving us in a tension-tight room.

I glance down at Kakuzu who seems to have decided something. He walks over to me and reaches his arms up. I pick him up and immediately his threads start weaving through my wounds once more. Without really taking his eyes off of mine, he pulls down his mask and kisses me on the cheek. "There are some things that are hard to forget, no matter the circumstances."

* * *

_**A/N: Eh. I'm not sure I like the turnouts of this chapter. But considering it's late and I've been working on it pretty much all afternoon, it's getting posted anyway. So I hope you like it. It was hard not to kill Naruto. XD**_**_ Oh, and _**"_J'aime__ la mer__ quand__ elle __reflète__ le__ ciel_" **_basically translates to _**_"I love the sea when it reflects the sky."** And it's French, just so you know. **_

_**Also, I know I just updated but I'm having too much fun with this story right now. And there will be no pattern anymore, I think. It's too troublesome. Ha-ha. **_

_**Thanks to all of you who put this on their alerts or favorite lists. Thanks to those of you who reviewed. And thanks to those who just read this. :D **_

_**Please review.  
**_


End file.
